His mighty hand can:

• close doors and copen new ones
• open a heart
• defeat the demonic  
• unfasten chains
• redeem anyone! Click here to listen.

Last night I walked through my living room and heard the oh-so-familiar sound of female crying.  What was the cause of this sob fest? Oh, you know...just the run- o-the-mill Monday night drama we all call…The Bachelor. My roommates were watching it and since I’ve given up this particular form of TV crack, I didn’t wait around to watch the train-wreck and hear who got the rose, but I did hear one statement that sent my fingers to typing.  My feet stopped and my heart dropped when I heard the poor girl say, “Who will ever love me?”

Ouch.

As if the Bachelor isn't enough to send any sane woman running to the fridge for cookie dough...for some reason advertisers think it's hilarious to run Valentine's engagement commercials non-stop for the month of February. Lord, it's hard to be a woman!!!! Let me just say--on behalf of my gender--to K Jewelers, Zales, Jared's and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman... please cease and desist with your wretched commercials! 

So …in response to the question posed by the brokenhearted bachelorette, I submit TRUTH that sets us free. The following is an excerpt from my book, Sex and the City Uncovered. This one goes to the girls out there asking the same question...Who will ever love me?

Searching for a soul-filling, unconditional, perfect love in anyone other than God Himself will leave us disappointed and disillusioned. The search itself is destructive because in the end we find that no one can fill our emptiness or give us the security that comes from God alone. But in our society, every romantic movie and fairy tale teaches us to place our hope for this love in a person. We buy into the notion that Prince Charming will sweep us off of our feet and we will never again deal with the wicked stepmother of emptiness or the evil queen of insecurities. As a result, we believe the myth that the perfect persons, our soul mates, will be the ones who can complete us and meet all our needs.

As a single woman I am not immune to the desire for love, nor am I free from the longing for a marriage relationship. But I’ve come to realize single girls can fall prey to the grass-is-greener mentality by thinking, If only I were married, then I wouldn’t feel lonely or empty inside. Little do we know how far from the truth this thought really is. Recently, I’ve had a whole slew of my married friends confess to me that some of their loneliest days have been as married women. Their husbands are wonderful but inadequate at filling their souls. The simple truth is, marriage doesn’t make you happy; it just makes you married.

As a single girl, there are two truths that I must hold in balance in order to be content. First, God created me for relationship, so my desire for a husband is not wrong; it is good. Second, even though I was designed to be in relationship, my ultimate contentment, satisfaction, and happiness will never be achieved simply through a human relationship. I was designed for something far bigger, far greater, something far more satisfying.

It cracks me up how some people think the Bible is totally irrelevant to our modern culture. This makes me laugh because clearly these critics haven’t opened a copy of God’s Word lately. For instance, in the Bible is the story of a woman who, like many of us, found herself “looking for love in all the wrong places.” She, too, hoped the deep thirst of her soul would be quenched in a relationship with a man.

Her story is found in the book of John, chapter 4, and she is often referred to as “the woman at the well.” Let me start by giving you a little background info that will help you appreciate the power of this woman’s story. Typically, women in that culture went to a well to get water for their families early in the morning or late in the evening, when the weather was cooler and transporting the heavy water jar would be easier (side note: Paris Hilton, if you are reading this, a well is where people would go to get water before the days of indoor plumbing). But this woman went at midday, right at the peak of the heat. Why the weird schedule? Well . . . let’s just say she didn’t really fit in with the other ladies.

Imagine Desperate Housewives set in Israel about two thousand years ago. She was the girl on the block whom all the other women despised. She was known as the town tramp. It was emotionally painful for her to go to the well at the normal time of day because she knew she would hear the critical comments and see the disdain in the eyes of the other women. Her love life, or lust life, had been fodder for the village gossips for years, so she chose to avoid the whole situation. So at noon she lugged her empty water jar to the well—alone. And it was in this moment that this broken, disappointed-with-life, and empty-as-her-water-jar woman had a life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ. For the empty water jar was the perfect symbol for her life. I guess you could call it a divine appointment.

He [Jesus] came to a town of Samaria. . . . Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, worn out from His journey, sat down at the well. . . . A woman of Samaria came to draw water. “Give Me a drink,” Jesus said to her.      John 4:5–7

 Now, just as strange as it was for this woman to be at the well at noon, it was even stranger still that Jesus purposely went out of His way to meet her. Major cultural taboos were being crossed here. First, Jesus was a Jewish man, and in that day Jews did not associate or speak to people from her region, which was called Samaria. It would be the modern-day equivalent of the racial tension that existed in the southern part of the United States between blacks and whites in the 1960s. But Jesus doesn’t judge a person by her race. Jesus looks past the externals of a person and speaks straight to the issues of the heart. The second cultural taboo broken that day was a gender one. It was not acceptable in that culture for men to speak to women in public. So, you can understand why this woman was doubly surprised when this Jewish man spoke to her.

 “How is it that You, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” she asked Him. For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.

Jesus answered, “If you knew the gift of God, and who is saying to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would ask Him, and He would give you living water.” John 4:9–10

Imagine this scene: Jesus, weary from traveling the hot dusty roads of Israel, sat down by a well and began a conversation with a woman by simply asking her for a drink. Her response was curt and defensive. She reminded Jesus that she was not only a woman but a Samaritan woman. Who did He think He was to speak to her? Jesus, not dissuaded by her defensiveness, ignored her sharp tongue and turned the conversation to the real issue: her thirst, not His. You see, this woman’s secret thirst was the real reason for this divine encounter.

 “Sir,” said the woman, “You don’t even have a bucket, and the well is deep. So where do you get this ‘living water’?”      John 4:11

Clearly she was confused. How could this Jewish man give her a drink? He was obviously empty handed. But Jesus led the discussion, and He turned the conversation from one about physical thirst to the real problem: her soul’s thirst for “real love” and His ability to quench it forever.

Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again—ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life.”

“Sir,” the woman said to Him, “give me this water so I won’t get thirsty and come here to draw water.”      John 4:13–15

Obviously, girlfriend hadn’t clued in yet. She definitely was interested in this mysterious water Jesus offered, but she still didn’t realize He was diagnosing her spiritual problem of “looking for love in all the wrong places.”

“Go call your husband,” He told her, “and come back here.”

“I don’t have a husband,” she answered.

“You have correctly said, ‘I don’t have a husband,’” Jesus said. “For you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”John 4:16–18

Five husbands? What happened? My mind reels with questions. I try to imagine this woman’s journey from marriage to marriage, each time with a glimmer of hope that perhaps this time she would finally find the love her soul craved. My heart breaks for the disappointment I know she must have felt and the sheer disillusionment that settled in after a while. I wonder if she shacked up with the last guy because she’d given up hope of finding real love altogether—and just simply settled for the life she was living. Here’s the thing I love about Jesus: He went looking for the girl who was losing hope, throwing in the towel, and in desperate need of a soul-satisfying love. I know because He came looking for me.

Notice what Jesus did in this conversation: He used the issue of the woman’s physical thirst to expose her true need. Jesus asked her to go get her husband in order to reveal the real problem: the fact that she had searched from man to man to find satisfaction for her soul, and yet she was still empty. Husband number one didn’t satisfy; maybe number two would do the trick. On and on she went until she was living with someone who was not even her husband. She’d reached a dead-end street in her journey of looking for love.

While living together may be accepted by many in our culture, it certainly wasn’t in that day and time. Jesus didn’t point out her marital history to shame or condemn her; He pointed out her looking-for-love problem so that she could finally find what she was looking for in Him. He told her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Water is a great symbol for God because without water the body will shut down and our internal organs will collapse. The same is true of a life separated from God. Physically, we can’t survive without water—and we can’t really live without Jesus. Friend, do you feel shut down? Does your heart feel as if it might collapse? Read on.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to satisfy the deep thirst of our souls. The definition of thirst is “to painfully feel the want and to eagerly long for something.” Scripture is filled with imagery of God being compared to water for man’s thirsty soul. For example, Psalm 42:1–2 reads, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (NIV). So what are you waiting for, girls? Come on, drink up!!!

For that reason, I am posting an exerpt from my book, The List.  This chapter focuses on our unmet expectations and trusting in God with our desires. May God encourage you and bless you this season. 

“You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith.  Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears…
But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.”
Merideth Grey, Grey’s Anatomy  

I have an addiction.

 It is quite embarrassing actually. Please promise me you won’t judge. It takes a huge amount of trust for me to open up and confess this secret to you.  Okay, so here I go, “Hello, my name is Marian, and I am absolutely addicted to infomercials.”  There. I said it.  Some of you may be asking, what is an infomercial? OOOOOH…Let me explain. An infomercial is a half-hour-long commercial that hocks everything from body-sculpting workouts to age-reversal eye creams.  Yes, for a reason to be named later, watching those wretchedly annoying things is my new warped fixation.

Like I said, so very embarrassing.

Here’s how I usually get my fix. Flipping through the 900 channels looking for something completely mind-stimulating like The Bachelor or Lost, I happen upon a paid-for-product placement, otherwise known as the infomercial.  Like a fly into a high-speeding windshield, I am sucked into these commercials with such impressive velocity that I often find myself fixated, remote still pointed at the television, and unmoved for several minutes.

In those captivating moments, I’ve watched hordes of promises from cellulite banishers, miraculous wrinkle reducers, plastic food-storage containers,  hair-straightening irons, and, of course, a plethora of exercise machines.  The promises are always so very believable. Viewers like me are persuaded with the real-life testimonials, the amazing before-and-after-photos, fancy digitalized dramatizations, and, most importantly, the celebrity endorsements. Who in their right mind wouldn’t believe these promises that buying the product wouldn’t absolutely change their lives?

One of my new favorites to watch is a commercial for a product line called Meaningful Beauty. This product promises to give you and me flawless skin that is free of all those hideous signs of ageing—blotchiness, under eye circles, and the not-so-funny laugh lines.  In order to validate the claims of the product, the spokeswoman is none other than Cindy Crawford, the girl who put the super in super-model.  Who wouldn’t trust super-Cindy?  In addition, potential buyers get the expertise of a world-renowned French dermatologist. After all, everyone knows the French know everything about creating beautiful skin. At this point, I’m hooked. These guys are simply brilliant because within minutes I am completely convinced that the product that has left Cindy Crawford both beautiful and breathtaking will do the very same for me.  And should a little doubt still remain, there is a 100% money-back guarantee. Of course there is.

We adore a money back guarantee don’t we?  The pledge to doubting consumers that says, “Trust me, everything is going to be just fine.” So, with that added measure of security, we buy…trusting that the claims and promises of the product are true.

Want to know the real secret to a great infomercial? Lean in a little closer because this one is just between us…the secret to an infomercial is what they are selling. No, I’m not referring to the product, silly. The secret is in what the product promises.  They promise us something that we would gladly pay the required $29.99 for the rest of our lives to possess.  So, what is it the advertisers are really selling?  If you pay close attention, you will quickly recognize that these clever marketers aren’t promoting exercise machines or skin cream. Nope, my friend, they are hocking hope.

HOCKING HOPE

            For every woman beginning to see the tell-tale signs of aging and who fears the consequences of her crows’ feet, the new miracle skin-care line is hope for a younger and more desirable looking future. For the young adult who suffers emotionally and socially from acne, the clear-skin product is hope for a blemish and rejection-free future.  For the overweight mom who feels invisible and unattractive, then the latest and greatest home gym equipment is hope for a slimmer and more attractive physique in the future.

Hope sells.

Hope is the reason we scramble to find our credit cards, grab the phone, and dial that 800 number. There’s just something inside of us that hopes, call it an intangible feeling, that all of those promises made on television may actually quiet the cry of our soul’s deeper and truer desires. You know those secret longings often unexpressed but tapped into by marketing geniuses. Temporarily, the product becomes the object of our hope—the thing we believe will improve our circumstances, give us completion, or change our reality…for the better.

Girls, it is all about hope.

Hope is the most powerful tool to lift the human spirit. Marketers know it is the key ingredient required in selling. Hope sells because it is the very emotion that buoys us in the sea of life.  Simply offer people the expectation of a better, brighter and more beautiful future, and…cha ching!

As I write these words, I wrestle with the ability to answer the question: what is hope?  The word has so many different connotations that I know I must clarify the meaning. Hope is defined as “a feeling of expectation and desire.”[1] I define hope as desire with the expectation of fulfillment. The word expectation is so huge…for expecting is the activity of hope. When I hope, I choose to place my expectation in the thing I believe will deliver a good and positive outcome.

A great illustration of this concept was drawn for me while touring New York City.  When taking a cruise around Manhattan, our guide casually mentioned some notable facts about Ellis Island—the first stop for immigrants entering the United States from destinations around the world. Most came to America escaping persecution or political and economic instability. For those worn and weary travelers, coming to America was a journey of hope.

There, on Ellis Island immigrants learned their fate. In The Great Hall each immigrant awaited the government’s decision.  Acceptance or Denial? Upon hearing their fate, they would exit either through the Hall of Tears or the Hall of Hope.  The latter meant a future in America.

I can just imagine an Irish family in the early 1900s fleeing the famine that killed thousands in their homeland, walking that hallway into the bright sunshine of a new life. Rightly named, for many this was a walk of hope. They believed, trusted, expected, and yes, hoped that life would be better for them in America.

A Bad Case of the B.L.D.!

Thinking back to My List, I see now that it was comprised of the things I believed would provide joy, happiness, and security in this life I’m livin’.  You know like meeting a great guy, landing the perfect job, earning a huge income, attaining a beautiful appearance, and acquiring the right stuff ( the newest gadget, the latest handbag—whatever my favorite fashion magazine told me I “must have” in order to have my best life now.)

My hope was in My List.

Education +Travel + Mr. Right+ 2 carat diamond + 2.5 kids+ 4 bedroom home = Happy Marian

Here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then. Whenever hope is misplaced, disappointment soon follows. I like to call this the “Big Let-Down,” or simply, the B.L.D. between us friends.  There is not a girl on planet Earth who has not experienced the B.L.D. at some point in her life.

This may sound silly to some of you, but consider the girl who thought she would d-i-e if she did not make cheerleader in high school. Seriously, I know it may sound trite, but she could not face the possibility that she would not be wearing “the uniform” on game days.  Number one on her List was cheerleader, in all capital letters. She had been dreaming, practicing, and jumping for this day since she could walk.  Put yourself in her Nike’s for a minute.  Cheerleading was her childhood dream. She’d even taken “lessons” from the big girls in her neighborhood. So, on that day in high school, after an extremely well executed toe-touch, tryouts were over, and the waiting began. When they finally called out her name, life was…well, perfect. Complete. That is, until the drudgery of after school practices and competitive girl cattiness set in. Then, to her surprise, cheerleading quickly became a drag and certainly not the ideal life she always imagined.

Her hopes now turned to homecoming, (ahem) becoming the homecoming queen that is. Cheerleading is now NBD (no big deal). It is the crown that really matters. She’s moved on to the next item on her List. But this time, as she sits in History class, anxiously listening as the homecoming court is announced, she experiences another BLD. For when that list is finished hers remains unchecked. 

The disappointment is crushing…for you see, her hope for acceptance and approval was wrapped tightly in that crown.

Meet Claire   

Claire was a beautiful and flourishing thirty-two year old executive living in the heart of New York City.  Her childhood dream as the younger sister of two highly successful older brothers was to one day be the very best in her field and earn the respect of her male co-workers…not to mention her family.  Claire was both driven and determined. She worked extremely hard to climb the corporate ladder. Each promotion gave her a momentary sense of satisfaction, but the pleasure success brought was short lived, and her joy faded as quickly as she eyed the career rungs still ahead of her. Claire would not be satisfied until she reached the top. Ironically, Claire’s big let down occurred when she attained her List.

I remember thinking to myself, “Finally I’ve arrived!” This is the life I’ve hoped for since I was a little girl. Unlike most women, my List never consisted of meeting Prince Charming or any other of those fairytale stories. No, I dreamed of being an independent, successful, and wealthy career woman. My List was filled with power and possessions.

I’ll never forget my big let down. I was finally promoted to Vice President (the only female VP in my company, to be precise.) To celebrate, I treated myself to a luxurious vacation in the south of France. In my mind, this glamorous getaway was the perfect reward—a beautiful villa, fine food, and a fast European convertible.  Only the best…or so I thought.

Sitting in my extremely expensive business-class seat on a trans-Atlantic flight from New York to Paris, I was aware of the old familiar feeling of dissatisfaction. My seat, that once seemed so superior to economy-class now felt poor and pathetic in comparison to the first-class seat I now longed for just a few feet away.  As I sat there, despairing my misfortune, it occurred to me that my two- bedroom flat in London (provided by my company), which at first felt glamorous and spacious, now seemed like a college dorm room with cramped closets and no room for my ever-growing shoe collection.

When I arrived in France and cast my eyes upon the silver-spooned ladies of St. Tropez, the red Peugot convertible that transported me from the airport to a villa in the vineyards, now felt like a donkey taking me to a broken-down farmhouse. Clothed in diamonds and designers, these women owned mansions and their limo drivers whisked them away from the airport before I could even manage to get my keys from the rental car company.

That week, I realized there would never, ever be enough of anything. Ironically, in the lap of luxury, I discovered it was impossible for my List to bring me happiness. Instead, I felt exhausted, overspent, and disappointed. Exhausted from busting my tail to beat the boys for position after position only to “arrive,” and still not feel satisfied, overspent because there was always some new label that was the “must have” of the moment,  and disappointed  because I realized that no matter how big the house, how fast the car, or how many pairs of Jimmy Choos I was able to acquire…I still was not happy.

Both of these young women have one thing in common: their hope was placed in their List. 

NEW YEARS’ EVE

I’ve never been a big fan of New Years’ Eve. Even back in my wild, B.C. days (Before Christ), it was the one event that always fell flat, disappointing. It reeked BLD.  Yet, for many years, like millions around the globe, I got all dolled up to celebrate. 

You want to know why….hope. Sure, I’ll admit it. I fell for the hype. The lofty expectation that something spectacular would occur…something akin to When Harry Met Sally or Sleepless in Seattle (the entire New Years Eve industry owes a debt of gratitude to Meg Ryan.). Many years I believed the buzz from friends who said, “Woo-hoo…it’s going to be the best night of the year. We will have sooooooo much fun.”  So, against my better judgment, I’d forgo my true desire to watch a Jane Austen movie marathon, while eating take out and clothed in flannel …and I’d give into the voices crying out to me to make plans for the “best night of the year.”  You may call me Debbie Downer, but if we’re being honest, I’d much rather be at home in my PJs curled up watching Pride and Prejudice (the five hour, BBC, Colin Firth version, of course.)

Needless to say, you will never find me amongst the masses ringing in New Year’s at the most famous location of all—New York City. Every year, as the clock nears midnight, the eyes of the world turn to the dazzling lights and bustling energy of Times Square.  Anticipation runs high. New Year's Eve in the heart of New York City has become more than just a celebration – it's  a “global tradition.” The world holds its breath and cheers as the clock strikes twelve. As the famous ball descends, over a billion viewers throughout the world unite in bidding a collective farewell to the departing year and expressing their joy and hope for the year ahead.

In his memoir, Dispatches From the Edge, journalist Anderson Cooper reflects on covering the Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration and the hope felt on this night.

“When midnight arrives, the air explodes into a solid mass, a swirl of colored confetti that seems to hang suspended in space…the air seems to shake, and for a few brief moments I feel part of something larger, not lost in the crowd, but swept up by it, buoyed by the emotion, the energy, the joyful pandemonium.  It overwhelms my defenses, my hard-won cynicism. The past gives way to the present, and I give myself up to it—the possibilities, the potential.” [2]

“Swept up.” I love how Anderson describes this moment. The emotional feeling of hope lifts us out of the present –through the power of imagination—projects us to where the fulfillment of our desires dwell.  Hope is a wish, a dream, a longing. The possibilities fill us with joy. Elation. Jubilation. Euphoria. Hope can be an incredible feeling, but real hope is so much more than a feeling.

So often, after an emotional high like Cooper describes, we awake on New Years’ Day let down from the cloud.  Like our ill-fated resolutions…the emotional high of hope conjured up with the confetti doesn’t last. We count down the past, expecting change in our future.  Then when we wake up on January first, the same person with the same problems, we are often disappointed. Reality sets in. The euphoria, in a swirl of confetti and midnight kisses, was just a fleeting emotional experience—not anything of real substance—just wishful thinking. Most of the time “wishful thinking” is what most people mean when they say, “I hope.” What they mean is, “I wish.”

No certainty.

No security.

No confidence.

The Bible has a different definition of hope—a confident expectation. Confidence that is rooted in faith—that the object of our hope is trustworthy, dependable, and reliable. 

FALSE HOPE

The big let downs in life happen when we place our hope in the wrong thing. Real hope is so much more than a feeling. In order for hope to be true and lasting, it must be placed in something sure and solid. Biblical hope is greater than unsteady emotions it proves an anchor for the soul.

Psalm 33 explains the difference between false and real hope.  The Psalmist begins by praising God for his incredible attributes: God’s power, strength, sovereignty, wisdom, love and faithfulness.  He then reminds us that God is intimately aware and acquainted with our deepest needs and desires…for our hearts were fashioned uniquely by him.  He knows us. He formed us. He spoke the world into existence, and sustains it by his power. In other words, the first fifteen verses lay the foundation for why the Lord is the only one worthy of our hope. (Psalm 33:1-15)  Then, in verse sixteen, our attention turns to the “false hopes” in which we are so quick to put our trust. 

            “The king is not saved by a mighty army;
            A warrior is not delivered by great strength.
            A horse is a false hope for victory;
            nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength.”

This Psalm is written to remind God’s people that there is only one source of security…and it is not their military prowess. There is only one source of deliverance…and it is not in human power. Trusting, relying, and depending upon anything created—instead of our Creator—is a false hope. 

One of my favorite things about God is his absolute sureness in himself. Frankly, God does not suffer with self-esteem issues. He knows He is the all-powerful, all-knowing, sovereign Lord.  He loves when his children hope in him because they, too, believe he is who he says he is. This is where hope and faith go hand in hand. We hope in the object of our faith. We hope in what we believe will deliver.

Psalm 33 was written because God’s people are so quick to trust in false hopes. Take the nation of Israel for example. The Lord rescued them from Egyptian slavery by defeating Pharaoh and his armies. Then, God supernaturally leads them with a cloud by day and pillar of fire by night (Girls, can you just imagine a “pillar of fire?” Hello?).  Meanwhile, they behold his miraculous powers (such as providing bread from heaven, water from rocks, parting seas … just your every day God stuff).  Last but not least, he amazed them by repeatedly defeating their enemies.

Yes, for those of you keeping score at home, these are the same people who later turned away from their Redeemer and put their hope for deliverance in something really super-special like a golden cow, or on really special occasions, little wooden idols they carved themselves. And we all know how that worked out for them. NOT-SO-GOOD…Their idolatry always led to bondage and destruction. Yet, each time God mercifully rescued them from the devastation that resulted in trusting in something false.

This Psalm is also written to you and me because we are exactly like Israel, easily swayed into relying on something bogus.  Ok. So not many people these days are bowing down to golden calves, but we are quick to hope in money, material possessions, or a man for our security.

In the original language of the Bible, the word used here for “false hope” also translates as a lie, a sham, or a deception.  Girlfriends, I liken this to the anti-cellulite creams I see advertised. I’m just sayin…(and I beg forgiveness from cosmetic companies globally), but we all know the stuff doesn’t work. It’s a big fat lie (no pun intended.) But seriously, no amount of lotion applied in a circular motion is going to banish years of Key Lime Pie. I’m just sayin’….big, fat, false hope, and big fat thighs.

Quick definition.  A false hope is relying on or trusting in something other than God for life, security, deliverance, power, or protection. They are called “false” because they aren’t reliable, they can and will let us down, and ultimately, they are not worthy of our trust. Essentially this psalm warns that we must be extremely careful that we aren’t swindled, suckered, or conned into placing our hope in a fraud. 

Let’s look at verses 16-17 from a girl’s perspective, shall we? After all, the last time I checked not too many girls I know place their trust in armies, warriors, or horses…but the principle is the same for us. 

The princess is not rescued by her knight in shining armor;
A woman is not delivered by her great beauty;
Money is a false hope for security;
Nor do boys, beauty, or hand bags deliver fulfillment.

             I’m the first to admit I’ve believed the lie of false hopes. What girl hasn’t? We are bombarded with messages that beg us to trust in or depend upon anything other than God for our security. Our favorite chick-flicks feed the notion that in meeting “The One” we will find our Hollywood happy-ending. Our favorite magazines tell us to trust in our beauty and bodies to earn love…or at least some momentary attention.  Or better yet, feminism encourages us to become a self-reliant, independent, I-don’t-need-anyone-tough-girl who hopes only in herself for her future.

            Here’s the problem: there is only one God.  Only one firm foundation. There is only one who is 100% reliable, trustworthy, dependable, and capable of knowing and meeting our every need.  Trusting in false hopes is like stepping onto a surface that you believe is solid only to discover you’re in sinking sand. 

Sinking Sand to Solid Ground

I longed for something solid. Firm ground on which to stand. Yet, my life before Jesus felt like a ship tossed about on a stormy sea. My emotions, vacillating from giddy to grave, lurched up and down with the rise of hopeful expectations and the fall of crushing let downs. Each day was a date with uncertainty. Would today be good or bad? Would I feel happy or sad? Would I be up or down? The answer was dependent upon the object of my hope—my job, my friends, my looks, my crush, my grades, my weight, my popularity, my achievements, my plans for the weekend….I did not know the meaning of real hope before I began a relationship with God through Jesus.

Rewind. I must tell you a little of my history. From childhood through college, I was not a girl who hoped in God. Sure, I knew information about God. Growing up in a small Texas town, church attendance was an expected tradition. It seemed everyone I knew went on Sunday. Christianity was just facts…it wasn’t my faith. I knew about Jesus, I just didn’t know Jesus.  I sang the hymns, heard the stories, and could even quote a few Bible verses…but my hope for happiness, life, security, and completion was in everything the world had to offer.

As far back as I can recall, I fell for the facade of false hopes—the gilded promises seemed so believable. I remember going to middle school with the number one goal of “becoming popular.”  I thought, “If I’m popular then I will feel accepted,”  therefore, I was constantly conforming myself to the crowd and hoping in the approval of my peers to make me feel like I belonged. As a late teen, I believed the wild party-scene would bring me happiness. I began binge drinking in pursuit of the intoxicating high I hoped would provide me escape. As I grew older, I bought the lie that sex outside of marriage was “no big deal,” and would make me feel treasured. I gave myself away in hope that I would find the love I craved.  Entering adulthood, I trusted in the promises of marketing companies that if I purchased their products, my life would be complete, so I charged up the credit cards, hoping the next shopping spree would rid me of my emptiness.

The result? Big Let Downs followed by even Bigger Let Downs…I was a girl overspent, overworked, overused, and over-her-head in disappointment from chasing her List.  In the midst of one especially emotional storm, I cried out to God.  Nothing spectacular or poetic, just a simple prayer, “Help.”

A few weeks later a friend invited me to visit her church.  Sure, I’d done the church thing as a kid, but this time it was different. Chalk it up to desperation or just great timing, but for the first time in my life, as I listened to the message, something clicked.

Not rules.

Not religion.

Just Jesus.

I realized the Gospel is a message of hope: God became a man, entered this dark and desperate world, died in our place, defeated death, in order to give humanity HOPE.  Our Creator knows how desperately we need him to resuce us from our sin and our false hopes.

Before my eyes were opened to the true gospel, I thought his love was conditional upon my performance. My hope for acceptance and righteousness was in my own ability to earn salvation. 

 If I’m a “good girl,” then God will love me.

If I “clean up my act,” then maybe he will forgive me.

If I “change my ways,” then Jesus will accept me.

 You don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that I wasn’t very good at being good. So, I did the math and assumed God could/would never love a girl like me.  The problem with my logic was twofold:

1. Incredibly bad theology.
2. A classic example of misplaced hope.

The Bible says Christ died because we are 100% hopeless without him. Each one of us is desperate for his grace—whether we see it or not.  Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of John 3:16 perfectly explains our situation.

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him (Jesus) anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. (John 3:16-18 The Message)

Finally “getting it,” the gospel message proved a beacon of light pointing me to solid ground. Like a sailor lost at sea, I welcomed this sight. Due to my track record of rebellion and sin, I now understood that I didn’t have a shred of hope of pleasing a Holy God on my own. My only hope for acceptance was the free gift of salvation offered through faith in his Son, Jesus Christ.

Placing my faith in Jesus, my life was transformed from instability to confidence because of my relationship with him.  This gospel message proved so powerful that the entire foundation of my existence changed by believing it.  One of my favorite hymns says it best:

“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand.  All other ground is sinking sand!”

At last…Solid Ground! Friends, this is where my journey of hoping in God began. I say journey, because that is what the Christian life really is—a walk of faith.  I’d love to end this chapter here and tell you, “My life has been absolutely perfect.  Bliss. I’ve never wavered in my faith and I’ve consistently hoped in Jesus for the rest of my days.” Girls…that would be a bigger lie than cellulite cream. The honest truth is this: I have more in common with the Israelites than I ever imagined. Every single day (pun definitely intended) I’m learning what it means to hope in God.

Becoming a Woman Who Hopes in God!

            Sure, I fell head over heels in love with Jesus. Not only was he my Solid Rock but also my Redeemer, Savior, Healer, Comforter and Friend. The more I followed him, the more I loved him. He proved his faithfulness in my life time and time again. This much is true, but the temptation to trust in false hopes is still a battle for those of us who believe in Jesus Christ.

Believing God is more than just a one-time decision to walk an aisle, pray a prayer, get sprinkled, confirmed, or baptized. Faith is a daily, moment to moment activity of hoping in God.  It took me a while to get this memo.   When I would sing that old hymn, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness,” I thought early on that this truth only applied to my eternal destination. You know… my hope for heaven.  What I didn’t realize is that God is our only hope for EVERYTHING in this life and in the next!

The air we breathe.

The food we eat.

The health we enjoy.

The healing we desire.

The love we crave.

The security we need.

Yet, it took a “full-blown-melt-down” for me to realize that I, like Israel, was a redeemed girl clinging to a false hope.  Sure, I loved Jesus and trusted him with my life, but there was still this one thing I was holding onto. So…what was this false hope?  Drum roll please…marriage. 

Gulp.  Confession complete. 

During a season in which all of my closest friends met their One, it seemed that God somehow forgot me. This was a painful (and expensive) season.  I went into a bit of despair…I struggled believing that my future was going to be good. I looked up and my circle of friends had doubled…with the addition of husbands. The more the merrier did not apply here.  Of course my girlfriends included me, but an awkward distance crept in, when I began to feel like only half of a whole.  Who was going to dinner? The Smiths,  the Wallaces, the Jones’, oh and Marian.

Their joy created a commonality that left me on the outside of their marriage vortex.  Unintentional, though palpably real. (The awkward moment when the check comes, the endless chatter about house-hunting, the beginning of discussions about babies…all of this made my search for a new apartment, a roommate, and fixing my own flat tire become an unbearable chasm between us.) I was alone. Completely, surprisingly, and unintentionally alone. This was so not my plan. Now, my life felt hopeless. Because the one, THE ONE, had not come. Can we just say, “BIG LET DOWN!”

I was undone, falling apart…serious crazy place. During a time of prayer (translation: snotty sob fest with Bible close by where Jesus is the recipient of my pathetic pleas), the Lord led me to Psalm 33.  Here, he showed me the root of my despair—my misplaced hope.  I was still just a girl looking for my Prince Charming to come along and “rescue” me.  In that season, I shifted my hope from the person of Jesus to the person who would propose marriage …trading the One and Only for “the One.”

Here’s the thing…Jesus loves you and me too much to just sit back and let us hope in something that won’t deliver. Any married girl out there can tell you, husbands don’t provide happiness.  This may come as a shock, but marriage isn’t the solution to all of life’s woes for a single girl. Here me out, I’m not saying marriage isn’t a wonderful blessing—it is.  I’m just confessing that my problem was that I was placing my expectation for my future in someone other than Jesus, and as a result the massive boulders of despair and disappointment rolled in, crushing me under their weight.

Therefore, at the top of God’s List is his desire that we become women who believe and hope in him, now.  In doing so, we become a beacon of light to others who are desperate without him. 

When God showed me the truth in Psalm 33, not only did I recognize my false hope, but I also discovered the profile of a woman who hopes in God.

“The eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, 
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, 
to deliver them from death 
and keep them alive in famine.” (Psalm 33: 18)

There are three aspects of this verse that describe a woman who hopes in God. First, she believes “the eyes of the Lord” are upon her.  Second, she “hopes in his unfailing love.” Finally, she knows “he will deliver…”

The Eyes of the Lord

            One of the tricky things about teaching God’s word is the fact that I’m always tested on the subject before I can teach it to others. Today is a test of hope. Every time I turn on the news, or see a headline I hear the same thing: economy crashing, gas prices soaring, food shortage, and on and on ring the alarms of pending doom. It is quite easy to lose hope in a world where terrorism reins, morals decline, and humanity suffers. 

            I am the first to admit that we, as Americans, live incredibly comfortable lives compared to the rest of the world.  Tune into the news, and you are immersed in stories of widespread hunger, poverty related diseases, and senseless deaths. In my sterilized niche of the world, I’ve never had to think about where my next meal will come from—nor does the idea seem appealing. I know we are materially blessed, and I know we are not entitled to these blessings. I am acutely aware that at anytime, these warnings could become a reality.

            Each time I hear these reports I’m faced with a decision. Freak out or Believe God. Seriously, fear is the air we breathe these days. As a single girl, with a single income, the temptation to fear the future is always present. The questions roll in:

What will happen if the economy does take a nose dive?

What will happen if there is a food famine in our country?

How will I survive if people are more concerned with buying bread than buying books?
What will I do if I never marry and it’s just me … and the cat I don’t even own yet?

The questions are real. The questions cause me to pause. The questions cause me to ask myself a serious question: Do I really believe “the eyes of the Lord” are on me? Do I really believe he is faithfully watching over me to provide, to protect, and to preserve? Do I really believe he is all-knowing and perceives my needs from afar?  Do I really believe in the God David describes in Psalm 23?

The LORD is my shepherd;
    there is nothing I lack.
He lets me lie down in green pastures;
    He leads me beside quiet waters.
He renews my life;
    He leads me along the right paths
    for His name's sake.
Even when I go through the darkest valley,
    I fear [no] danger,
    for You are with me;
    Your rod and Your staff —they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
    You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
 Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
    and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
    as long as I live.  (Psalm 23 HCSB)

            Unlike King David, who wrote of the Lord lovingly leading his own, many people perceive God as distant, cold, removed. Not involved in the day-to-day affairs of this world. No wonder they feel hopeless when tragedy strikes or when life doesn’t make sense—their God is absent. Not my God. Not the God of the Bible. He is the “with us, never-leave-or-forsake-us, move-the-mountains, loving Shepherd who watches over his flock” kind of God.

            Today, by God’s grace, I can face those scary questions with confidence. I’ve experienced his provision, his power, and his protection. I have peace and joy because my expectation for the future is in the Lord, for I know his eye is upon me. 

Hope in His Unfailing Love

Unbelief is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome in a woman’s heart. doubts and fears lead some women to control and others to despair but both types of women are plagued by unbelief. So many women who are redeemed by the grace of Jesus Christ struggle with fear because they don’t truly believe God loves them.  At the core of their being they doubt God’s goodness—and wonder if his intentions for them are good.

I so understand!! At one point in my Christian walk, I, too, struggled with the same doubts.  Though I experienced salvation and knew my sins were forgiven—still, I wrestled with believing that God loved me.  Not global-God-love, but that he loved me—just me.  So, this kind of doubt made it difficult to hope in God, because frankly, I didn’t trust that God really gave a flip about me. Our enemy loves to play this card…he absolutely hates it when a child of God is confident in his love for her. 

Picture a three-year old little girl standing at the edge of a swimming pool. Her favorite “floaties” tossed aside. It’s just her, the big pool, and Daddy in the water standing a frightening two feet away. Her fear is great...especially without the security of her floaties.  She stands at the edge, eyeing the water just inches below, when her Daddy says, “Come on sweetheart. Jump to me. I’ll catch you.” She hesitates. And then, with all the might her little body can muster, she propels herself into her father’s arms—her feet skimming the water along the way.

Do you know what happened in that split second she hesitated? She asked herself these question: Does my Daddy love me? Will my Daddy catch me?  Can I trust him? Her answer wasn’t said in words, but in a leap—the leap from the safety of the ledge to the security of her Daddy’s arms.  She hoped he would catch her because she believed he loved her.  As one of my favorite scriptures says, “There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear.”  (1 John 4:18 HCSB) When we understand how perfect God’s love for us is, then our fears and our doubts are banished in light of the truth.

Girls, the miracle of our hope in Jesus is that we become children of God.  Now, we are not only the recipients of his grace, but also his Fatherly love, care, and provision. Check out these amazing truths and ask God to help you believe these promises—not just with your head, but with your heart.

I AM A CHILD OF GOD!

"Yet to all who received him (Jesus), to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God" John 1:12-13.

MY HEAVENLY FATHER LOVES ME!

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
1 John 3:1 NASB

I AM BLESSED AND FAVORED IN CHRIST!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, in Christ;  for He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will, to the praise of His glorious grace that He favored us with in the Beloved. Ephesians 1:3-6

I HAVE A GLORIOUS INHERITANCE IN CHRIST!

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the glorious riches of His inheritance among the saints…Ephesians 1:18

GOD’S POWER WORKS FOR ME, HIS CHILD!
                I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know … His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at the right hand in the heavenly realms.  Ephesians 1:18-20 His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at the right hand in the heavenly realms.  Ephesians 1:18-20

NOTHNG CAN SEPARATE ME FROM GOD’S LOVE!

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord! Romans 8:38-39

The woman who hopes in God believes her identity as a child of God: loved, chosen, called, empowered, equipped, protected, sealed, shielded, and blessed. The Father’s love for you is “unfailing”…don’t allow unbelief to keep you from the confident assurance that is yours as a Daughter of the King!

To Deliver …

                  I just finished lunch with one of my favorite college coeds.  Her testimony is very similar to my own. She had a wild past, but God has redeemed and restored her life. Over our carb-packed lunch of pizza and French fries, we discussed the all important topics of boys and dating.

My friend has a new crush… a Big Crush! She is smitten, if you know what I mean.  So, we are chatting along and she’s detailing to me their “friendship,” and how she hopes to see this young man again soon (he lives three states away)…and really hopes that “he’s the one.” 

So, as I’m apt to do in a moment like this, I ask what is to me, the most important question: Tell me about his relationship with Jesus.

Pause.

Awkward Silence.

Muttering and mumbling.

Cough.

“I’m sorry,” I ask, now a little confused. “What was that you just said? He’s a ‘really good guy, but not necessarily a ‘follower of Jesus?’”

            Looking up sheepishly from her pizza, the full-story unfolds.

My friend looked around her university and didn’t see any Godly men pursuing Jesus who were also pursuing her. So, she grew tired of waiting on the Lord to provide Mr. Right and decided to take matters into her own hands and date Mr. Right Now.  She convinced herself that it was just a temporary fling—a summer crush. 

The problem with this justification is that our hearts don’t always get the “don’t fall for this guy memo.”   When we spend time with someone, it is very easy to fall for them. And now, my sweet friend, who loves Jesus, has fallen for a guy who doesn’t share her values or her God.

How did this happen? She explained that she began doubting whether or not God really cared about the desires of her heart. She reasoned she might as well date this guy, who was clearly interested in her because “God may not deliver.”

Most women reading this understand her struggle. You long for something, and the waiting becomes oh-so-difficult. To hope in God is choosing to believe he will deliver.  A woman who hopes in God trusts him to provide for her needs. She commits the desires of her heart to him confident that his plan and his timing are best.

What are you waiting on God to deliver? Are you setting your hope on Jesus or trusting in something or someone else to meet your needs? Or perhaps, like my friend, you’ve decided to take matters into your own hands. Friends, hope in God. There are amazing blessings in store for those of us who do.  He desires good for you.  Don’t settle. Hear the Lord speak this promise to you.

Why do you say …
       "My way is hidden from the LORD;
       my cause is disregarded by my God"?

Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
       and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:27-31

Trust me when I tell you that I KNOW how tempting it is to take matters in your own hands when waiting on a desire of your heart to be fulfilled.  Friend if there is one thing I know for sure from my season of singleness it is this: God knows our hearts’ desires far better than we do.  The last thing we want is to settle for anything that is not his best for us. When we choose to hope in God, we trust that he will deliver the very best…in his way and in his timing.

I SEE A GENERATION…

Recently, I spoke these truths to a group of college and young single women –girls who daily face the temptation to hope in a guy, in their grades, or in getting the perfect job for their future security.   These girls are smack dab in the middle of the season of life that defines for most women where their hope will be placed.  I’ve heard it said many times that between the age 18-28 the most important decisions in life are made.  The audience seated before me was in the midst of that pivitol season…a time when they will decide whether they will or will not hope in God.

After explaining the truth about false hopes and presenting Jesus as the only one worthy of our hope, I found myself choked up with tears.  I’m not much of a crier—so this emotion was genuine. Welling up inside of me was an overwhelming thankfulness for the past and a longing for the future.

Thankfulness…. I’m infinitely grateful that the Lord delivered me from my false hopes—the self-made, material longings and plans that I had trusted in that could never provide fulfillment. I wept before these women because I was overwhelmed by God’s goodness.  My words fail to explain to you how incredibly grateful I am that God did not give me my plan.  While I still have desires, I now see my season of singleness as an amazing blessing. As a single girl, I’ve watched the Lord provide, protect, lead, direct, defend, and strengthen me in ways I never would have known had I been married.

I know his eye is upon me.

I know his love is unfailing.

I know he delivers.

Longing…for a generation of women who love and profess faith in Jesus, to actually hope in Jesus. As I looked out over the hundreds of young women seated before me, I felt the urgency of the hour. Will we become women who hope in the Lord? Or…will we continue to follow the path of the world, trusting our lives to empty and disappointing false hopes? 

God is calling us out. God is seeking a generation of women who hope in him. God is raising up his daughters to stand as lights in this dark world—women who tell the hopeless where real hope is found.  Are you that woman?  Psalm 33 concludes with the anthem of a woman who chooses to hope in God.  Friends, I challenge you to say these words aloud with me. Make this your anthem and confession as you choose during your single season to become a woman who hopes in God.

We wait in hope for the LORD;
       he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
       for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
       even as we put our hope in you.
 (Psalm 33:18-22 NIV)

Ever struggle with doubts about God's love? Ever feel overwhelmed or as if you need to earn God's approval? Marian's teaching on John 3 addresses these questions and doubts. Click here to listen. 

The following chapter is entitled "Beware of Snakes." I hope it encourages anyone who is battling despair, fear or hopelessness; and teaches you how to stand victorious against the enemy. 

 Beware of Snakes

Few of us will ever forget the first time we watched the film The Passion of the Christ. The sheer magnitude of Christ’s sufferings left most viewers speechless and many breathless. In this film the familiar words of Scripture come crashing through our senses in living color. The prophetic words “by his stripes we are healed” take on a whole new meaning when watching the brutal scourging of Jesus. I recall sitting in the theater and begging “Jesus” to not get up when he had fallen at the whipping post. “Don’t stand up!” I repeated over and over again under my breath as I watched the Roman soldiers rip the skin from his back. “Please don’t stand up.” I thought if I could encourage him to stay down then his suffering would end.  Yet, he didn’t stay down. No, he stood and took more lashes and more lashes—for he knew that his brokenness would mean our wholeness. His death would mean our life.[i]

It stunned me how relieved I was when the crucifixion finally arrived, for with death my Savior’s suffering would finally end. Whoever thought death would be a welcomed sight? I’m pretty sure I held my breath for most of the movie.

Amazing sacrifice.

Amazing love.

Amazing grace.

As difficult as this movie was for me to watch, one scene in particular caused my heart to stand up and cheer. I absolutely loved the very first scene. The movie begins with a heavily burdened Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. There, in the garden, just hours before his arrest, Christ surrenders himself to the will of God the Father. From the following scene of The Passion of the Christ, we, the audience, are given a glimpse of the future victory and triumph that will come through his death. 

But first there is a conversation.

“Do you really believe that one man can bear the full burden of sin?” taunts the voice of Satan.

Jesus with his eyes heavenward and speaking only to the Father says, “I trust in you.”

And then, continuing his accusations, Satan says, “saving their souls is too costly.”

And Jesus says to the Father, “not my will but yours be done.”

What is this dialogue? Has Mel Gibson taken creative license? No. I think this scene perfectly encapsulates the entire cosmic drama of the crucifixion: God became man in order to redeem humanity from our slavery to sin and Satan. In doing so, Jesus must face the same temptations you and I face. So while Jesus agonizes about his impending death, Satan tempts him to abandon his mission to redeem the world's sins.

Let us never forget that Jesus is God in the flesh—fully God and fully man. So, there in the garden, it is Jesus the man who must make the choice to endure the pain and suffering for our sin. At Gethsemane, Jesus determines he will go forward with God’s plan and redeem humanity. He will be the perfect substitute and he will lay down his life to die in our place. But his surrender doesn’t come easily.

Can you fathom how tempting it must have been for him to think only of himself?

Meanwhile, another presence lurks in the garden that night—a snake. While Jesus is praying, a serpent, symbolizing Satan, slithers toward the Son of God to make a deadly strike.  But then, at the last second, with eyes fixed, Jesus rises to his feet and with one step crushes the head of the serpent – a step that defines his destiny. A historical moment. A prophetic moment. A moment that symbolizes the victory that is soon to come.  He will crush the head of the serpent. Satan will be defeated.

Girls, let me just take a commercial interlude right here and fill you in on a little fact about yours truly: I HATE SNAKES. Let me explain. I loathe snakes. Rats, I’m not a fan of either—given the whole plague thing and all—but I can handle them. Spiders, bring em’ on. But snakes, there is nothing I hate more than a snake. So when Jesus stood to his feet and stomped the serpent’s head I was elated.

But my elation had more to do with the fact that this serpent represents Satan. The deceiver, the accuser, the one whom Jesus calls the Father of Lies,  the one who is the cause of all anguish and suffering in this world. And since the beginning of time (back in a different garden called Eden), the serpent has become synonymous with Satan himself. But girls,

Gethsemane is not the first time Jesus has faced the serpent.

When Jesus began his earthly ministry, he, too, went into the wilderness. There, he was tested and tempted by Satan.  In Jesus’ wilderness season we learn an extremely important wilderness skill: Jesus shows us how to stand against the lies and deceptions of the Enemy.

1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil. 2 After He had fasted 40 days and 40 nights, He was hungry. 3 Then the tempter approached Him and said, "If You are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

    4 But He answered, "It is written:

    Man must not live on bread alone

    but on every word that comes

    from the mouth of God. "

5 Then the Devil took Him to the holy city, had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, 6 and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written:

                He will give His angels orders concerning you and,

                they will support you with their hands

                so that you will not strike

                your foot against a stone. "

                7 Jesus told him, "It is also written: Do not test the Lord your God. "

    8 Again, the Devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 And he said to Him, "I will give You all these things if You will fall down and worship me."

               10 Then Jesus told him, "Go away, Satan! For it is written:

                Worship the Lord your God, and serve only Him. "

11 Then the Devil left Him, and immediately angels came and began to serve Him.                                                                                                                                                                                     Matthew 4:1-11(HCSB)

When Christ was tempted by Satan in the wilderness, each temptation came back to one thing: doubt. If you will notice, every time Satan speaks he begins his question with the word, “if.”

• If you are the Son of God then… (Satan wants Jesus to doubt his identity as the son of God.)
• If you will worship me…(Satan wants Jesus to doubt his redemptive mission and take a short-cut around the cross.)

Satan’s ploy was to use questions to tempt Jesus into sin (i.e. not trusting God the Father.) Doesn’t that ole snake do the same thing with you and me?

• If God really loved you then… (The snake wants you to doubt God’s heart for you.)
• If God is really good then he wouldn’t allow … (The snake wants you to doubt the character of God.)
• If you were really a Christian then… (The snake would love it if you would doubt your own salvation.)

Beware! Just as a snake disguises itself in tall brush and rocks, Satan deceives you and me with questions and accusations while in the wilderness. He is oh-so-subtle.

But in this interchange between Christ and Satan, we see a snapshot of how we should respond when encountering the snake in our trials. Each time, Jesus replied to Satan’s suggestive questions with three simple words, “It is written,” and then, Jesus spoke out loud a truth from Scripture in response to the lies of the Enemy. Finally, Jesus took authority over and commanded Satan to leave.

Isn’t this is an amazing wilderness skill? And it may very well be the best kept secret in all of Christianity. As believers in Jesus Christ, you and I can do the very same thing today. But where do we begin? We must start by taking inventory of our thoughts and making certain we aren’t listening to or believing the lies of the enemy. But, how does a girl know if she is being fed a lie? I’m so glad you asked.

True story: At times in my life, I’ve been what you would call a slave to fashion. Shopping can be a problem for me. Some girls emotionally eat…I emotionally spend. Jesus and I are working on this. I digress. Oops! This is not confession time. Where was I? Oh yes, believing a lie.

So a few years ago, I had a major fashion crush on this new pair of jeans. Problem A: my budget could not afford this specific pair of designer denim. Problem B: my budget could not afford this specific pair of designer denim. But girls, let me just say…I so loved these jeans. I would go visit them at the department store and just stare at them. Sometimes I would try them on and decide if I really needed to pay rent that month. Images of my homeless self in designer denim would send me out the door empty handed.

Then a friend of mine kindly informed me that I could probably buy the jeans on eBay at a much better price. Brilliant! I’m so in for a bargain. So now, empowered with shopping scoop, I surfed droves of denim on eBay until I discovered a pair that was identical to the ones I’d been eyeing in the store. And do you want to know the best part? They were brand new and cost only a fraction of the price.

I bought those bad boys faster than Nicole Ritchie changes sunglasses. But I did uncover one major bummer to online shopping. There is no instant-gratification-wear-the-jeans-tonight-thrill. So, I wait (and if you will recall, I love to wait) a few days for the UPS guy to deliver my new duds. Giddy, I rip open the package only to discover that I’d been fashion punked.

They were sooooooooooooo counterfeit!

I’m sure you are dying to know how I knew the jeans were as fake as a tan in January. It’s simple really. I knew the moment I touched the fabric that these babies were not the real thing. You wanna know how? Because I’d seen, touched, and tried-on the “real thing” enough times to know a fraud a mile away.

Here’s my point ladies: to spot a lie, you must know the truth.  

Remember…

Satan wants to deceive you about who you are.

Satan wants to deceive you about God’s character.

Satan wants to deceive you about God’s plan and purpose for your life.

And when in a wilderness season: i.e. hurting, lonely, sad, depressed—you and I make one easy target for his lies. Please note: this snake is sneaky.  Satan watched and waited and only when Jesus became hungry for food did the enemy unleash his taunts and temptations.

Hunger is defined by my friend Mr. Webster as “a strong or compelling desire or craving.”  Satan waited until Jesus was physically hungry for food, and then, it was that specific desire that the enemy zeroed in on when tempting Jesus to not trust his Heavenly Father.

A woman in a wilderness can “hunger” for so many things that make her prime for temptation, such as love, affection, attention, affirmation, relief from stress, or even an escape from pain. I tell you this as a warning: carefully consider what you are thinking about.  If you are going through a tough time and find yourself experiencing tormenting thoughts or strong temptations, you very well may be dealing with a snake in the grass.

            My friend Amy told me about the wilderness season she walked through following her painful divorce. When she married right after college, she expected it would be forever—a.k.a. ‘til death do us part. Yet weeks into the marriage, her fairytale became a nightmare as her “prince charming” husband became both physically and verbally abusive.

            Even with biblical grounds for divorce, Amy candidly admits that Satan took full advantage of her pain and her hunger for love to heap lies and accusations on her. Here are a few lies Amy heard in her wilderness:

• God will never forgive you.
• You are used goods now. You might as well give yourself away to any guy who comes along.
• A “real” Christian man would never marry a girl like you
• Why don’t you numb your pain with alcohol and male attention?

It took time for Amy to learn to silence Satan with the Word of God and to take her rightful authority as a redeemed girl and tell him to “be gone.”  Through Bible study and involvement with other Christian women, she has learned this skill. Today, she is a wonderful example to many that Satan is a big-fat-liar. Amy not only actively serves in her church discipling young women, but is also married to one of the godliest men I know. Amy’s testimony is one of victory because she made the decision to stop believing Satan’s lies and to start standing in God’s truth.

This wilderness skill is so huge! Our thoughts must be based upon truth, or we will be in big trouble. The reason? Our thoughts lead to our emotions, and our emotions lead to our actions. And when we are in the wilderness (i.e. rejection, loss, despair, etc.), it doesn’t take much to send a girl’s emotional state of being into full-blown-melt-down. We have to be so careful to not  entertain the lies of the enemy and allow him to dictate our emotions and our actions. Determine, especially in wilderness seasons, to stand in truth.

I know someone reading this may be thinking, “Hold it right there missy, what exactly is truth?”  Girls, there is a definitive answer to this infamous question. The word truth means “that which has fidelity (conformity) to the original.” Meaning? There is a standard. Given that the word itself implies there is a measurement of what is “true,” then it only makes sense that truth is not relative.

Then what is truth? God’s word is truth. Jesus said in his prayer for you and me before his death on the cross, “Sanctify them [purify, consecrate, separate them for Yourself, make them holy] by the Truth; Your Word is Truth.” (John 17:17 Amplified Bible) Jesus teaches us that the Bible, God’s very word is the truth. So what’s my point? If my thoughts about myself or about my God differ with what God has spoken, then I am believing a lie. Remember my denim debacle? I recognized a fraud only because I knew the real thing.

Jesus also gives us a warning about the snake, Satan, when he cautions, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV) Satan has an agenda and his mode of operation has not changed—he operates in lies. But girls, listen carefully—the snake is defeated! Jesus defanged the serpent at the cross. All he can do is lie to us. We must choose whether we will listen to his lies or to God’s truth.

Looking back over my recent wilderness season, I recognize that so many of my issues came down to where I allowed my thoughts to dwell. The enemy desired not only to steal my worship, but also to kill my joy and destroy my faith. I’ve found the same to be true for every woman I’ve interviewed in writing this book. Countless women shared their wilderness tales with me, and the common denominator in all of them was the torment of lies and accusations each woman endured.  

So, what’s a girl to do? We must do what Christ modeled for us in the wilderness. Resist Satan and stand firm in the truth of God’s word.  Just as it says in James 4:7: “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (NIV)

Submit—turn to God in prayer and claim his truth. I suggest you find specific scripture passages that deal with the particular lies (temptations, questions, accusations) that torment you.

            Resist—say “no” to the lies and tell Satan to “go away in the name of Jesus.”

            No lie. Just last night I put this skill into practice. I was driving to a dinner party when I felt those “poor me” thoughts forming. I listened to a few and realized if I didn’t nip them in the bud, I would be quite the dud at dinner.  So I began responding to the negative thoughts (i.e. lies) with God’s word. For each lie I heard, I spoke a scripture out loud. Finally, as I was pulling up to the valet I said, “Satan, go away in the name of Jesus.” And guess what? It turns out that Jesus proves one excellent wilderness guide. Though the snake was indeed dead, I opted for something else for dinner. No “skinning and gutting” for this girl.

P.S: the pecan crusted chicken and molten chocolate cake were oh-so-fabulous!

Recently, I sat through a painful 2.5 hours of the recent Sex and the City movie installment; only to conclude at the end that the women portrayed in this film are more desperate than ever...desperate for a love that fills them with a sense of security that can not be stripped away by career upsets, menopause, aging bodies or rocky marriages. The four women once again display the angst and insecurity found in looking for love in all the wrong places.

The following is an excerpt from my book Sex and the City Uncovered, I pray that women who look to Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda as their role models will read this and discover the true source of love, security, and confidence...that can never be taken from her.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Do women just really want to be rescued?--Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City
(Season 3, episode 31, “Where There’s Smoke There’s Fire”)

Back on the island—Manhattan, that is—their get-together results in a lively discussion of the topic “Why do women love firemen?” Miranda leads the charge with her observations, and the others follow suit. Their conversation is the typical brunch banter until Charlotte chimes in with her reason, bringing the table to a stunned silence: “Women just really want to be rescued.” She sighs as she props up her aching head with her hands. You could hear a pin drop as the other women stare back at her in disbelief. Did she really just say that? At this point Carrie, in a voice-over, describes Charlotte’s comment as “the statement single women in their thirties are never supposed to think, much less say out loud.”

The Girls

Just in case you aren’t familiar with the show (or you’ve been watching PBS for the last decade), let me give you a little 411 on the girls of Sex and the City. Carrie Bradshaw writes a column about sex and relationships in New York City. Carrie is fashionable and witty, and her love life is the catalyst for the show’s plotline. No one captures the plight of the love-seeking single woman better than Carrie Bradshaw. She uses her own dating experiences as material for her column, and she is not one to shy away from difficult or taboo subjects. Carrie is real—real about her desires and real about her weaknesses. Somehow through it all she still hopes to find real love. Carrie’s escapades as a single woman in New York include her three best friends: Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte.

Samantha Jones is a powerful NYC publicist who brings the shock factor to the group as she relates her sexual conquests to the girls. Samantha wears shamelessness as a badge of honor. Sam Jones is a successful woman who knows what she wants—and most of the time she gets it. On the outside she radiates confidence in everything. Although there are moments that reveal serious cracks in her armor, for the most part Samantha seems to relish in her lifestyle. She embraces uninhibited sexuality with a varied (and large) group of men. Forget wedding dreams; Samantha is one to choose lust over love any night, and she’s proud of it. The only thing Sam fears is a real relationship.

Next we have the practical and very serious Miranda Hobbs. Miranda is smart, self-assured, and proud of her achievements. She is driven, be it in her professional or personal life. She made partner in her law firm and bought her own apartment on the Upper West Side. However, like the other women, she struggles with her love life. At times, Miranda has abandoned the pursuit of love altogether. Known as the tough girl, she doesn’t open up easily, masking her vulnerability with cynicism and self-deprecating humor about life and love.

Charlotte York is an art gallery curator who is portrayed to be prudish (by the show’s standards) when it comes to sex but hasn’t lost her faith in finding “the one.” Charlotte has an optimistic outlook on love and romance amid the ever-complex dating scene of NYC. Well bred, she walks through life with a perfect sense of decorum and a good dose of idealism. For years Charlotte has maintained a clear vision of the life she’s wanted. First and foremost, she wants to get married. She wants true love. And she wants her husband to be wealthy and handsome and to belong to the social elite.

In this particular episode, “Where There’s Smoke There’s Fire,” each character deals with the desire to be “rescued” in her own stereotypical style. Charlotte, believing a man will solve all of life’s problems, vows that this is the year she will finally get married. She complains to her girlfriends, “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted! Where is he?” So in this episode, Charlotte goes in search of the man she hopes will be her Prince Charming. But alas, the prince she meets while out with Carrie one night is less than charming. For Charlotte, the search for the white knight continues.

Carrie, on the other hand, still struggling from a recent breakup, turns to her beloved Jimmy Choos as her lifesaver. Deciding “to rescue her ankles from a life of boredom,” in typical Carrie fashion, she maxes out her credit card and goes shopping, hoping to fix all that ails her. I have to ask, how many pairs of shoes does it take to rescue a woman?

Meanwhile Miranda is in need of a real rescue, but her self-reliant attitude rises to the surface and keeps her from asking for help. She views the need to be rescued as a weakness. Miranda takes independence to an extreme and refuses to let her boyfriend Steve assist her after her eye surgery. In fear of appearing needy, she’d rather risk her health than accept Steve’s offer of assistance, but luckily he comes to her aid despite her protests. Miranda’s way of dealing with the desire to be rescued is a simple one: denial.

Samantha tackles her “rescue” fantasy through her characteristic way: sex. Void of sentiments or emotional need, Sam hopes sexual pleasure will rescue her. While visiting her current fling, the fireman she met at the calendar contest, Samantha seeks to fulfill her own fireman fantasy. To her alarm, the fire station siren blares while she is naked, leaving her abandoned to find her clothes when her “hero” is called away to a real emergency. This episode reveals (quite literally) that Samantha’s choice leaves her exposed, alone, and ashamed. I wonder, Is this the fairy tale she always dreamed of?

The Confession

Knowing that Charlotte is the hopeful romantic of the bunch, it comes as no surprise to us that she utters the words that “single women in their thirties are never supposed to think, much less say out loud.” Of course, she is the one to confess, “Women just really want to be rescued.” But what’s the big deal? Did she say something wrong? Why are the others so shocked? Is Charlotte still drunk? Or maybe, just maybe, she has stumbled onto something. Do women really long to be rescued? Is there something deep down inside each of us that would love to have the white knight sweep in and carry us away? I think for most girls the answer is, “Yes!”

Recently I watched the hit show The Bachelor. This particular season the bachelor happened to be a real prince. Fighting for his affection and attention were twenty-five beautiful women. In the two-hour premiere, one common theme resonated from the women: they wanted the fairy tale. As the evening progressed and the alcohol flowed, the women revealed more and more of their hearts’ true desires. Each wanted to be chosen by the prince and for her childhood longings of being a princess to come true. As I watched the episode and listened to their comments, I thought, This is reality television. Hungering for love and desiring to be chosen, these women had picked up their lives and moved to a castle in Rome in hopes of being rescued by Prince Charming.

So why did the Sex and the City characters, and perhaps many of us, bristle at Charlotte’s comment? It seems the other characters are much too independent and savvy to admit this inner longing. They pride themselves on self-sufficiency and hope to evolve past any notions of having needs and longings, so they blast Charlotte’s old-fashioned idea with a dose of reality. Reality, according to Miranda, is that “the white knight only exists in the movies.” Her reply rings with bitterness toward men and a lack of trust in anyone but herself. The same is true of Carrie’s response, except she takes a different approach, saying, “Did you ever think that maybe we’re the white knights, and we’re the ones that have to save ourselves?” There it is—the motto of the modern single woman: “I don’t need anyone, and I can do it all by myself.”

Charlotte does not buy their dismissals, and her response to their advice is revealing when she replies, “That’s depressing!” And we have to admit, it is, but why? Probably because as women, since the first time we played with Barbie, we’ve imagined Ken coming in his sports car to rescue her from the clutches of GI Joe. This is part of the fabric of being a girl. But surely, some would say, we’ve all grown up and put those childish dreams behind us. After all, hasn’t life taught us some pretty tough lessons? White knights don’t always come to the rescue, and sometimes, let’s face it, Ken actually likes GI Joe. For some of us, these life lessons have left us hard and a little jaded too. So, like Miranda, it’s easier to shove the desire to be rescued behind us and pretend it’s just a fantasy.

But what if it’s not? Let’s imagine just for a moment that it’s real—the fairy tale, the hero, and all the stuff that romantic movies thrive on. Let’s imagine for just a minute that it is a legitimate longing and examine why Charlotte’s confession resonates with us. Why do women long to be rescued? Why is this desire ingrained in the heart of every little girl? To answer this question, we must dig a little deeper and ask some fundamental questions.

The Rescue

First, what is meant by the word rescue? The word rescue means “to set free, as from danger or imprisonment; to save.” (Kudos, Mr. Webster.) From the damsel in distress, who is tied to train tracks as a high-speed locomotive approaches, to the princess, who is locked away in the perilous castle, the role of the hero is to save his lady from whatever enemy she faces.

I’ll be honest: life’s been so intense at times that I’ve daydreamed that someone comes along and takes me away from it all. I’ve gazed out my office window hoping to see Prince Charming ride up on his white horse (or in an SUV—I’m not really picky about the mode of transportation). Just like Charlotte, I did my share of barhopping in the past, hoping to meet “the one.” But I’ve realized the desire to be rescued goes much deeper than just a longing for a man. I know plenty of women with great men who still have this desire. Women identify with the longing to be rescued—young and old, married and single, rich and poor. Ladies, this desire is bigger than any man can fill—yes, it is even bigger than Mr. Big.

Because this is a common desire, is there also then a common problem? In other words, is there something that we all need to be rescued from? Is there something basic to all of us that causes us to feel like we need help or we need to be set free? What is it that makes us hope and dream that someone will come along who can make all right in our world? Our desire to be rescued implies we are held captive . . . imprisoned.

But what is this prison?

I believe the universal prison in which we are all held is best described in a country song from the ’80s by Waylon Jennings called “Lookin’ for Love in All the Wrong Places.” (Pardon if my country girl roots show through for a bit—we’ll be back to the land of five-dollar coffee and stilettos shortly.) Now, you might remember this song from John Travolta’s hit movie Urban Cowboy (he was totally robbed on the awards that year, by the way). Whatever your history with this song, I’m here to tell you, it is truth! The prison that each of us needs to be rescued from is one of “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.”

The Prison

As a child of the ’80s (a decade of great fashion and even greater music), I grew up singing the words into my hairbrush microphone. But it wasn’t until years later, in the ’90s (now wearing grunge and listening to Nirvana—thankfully that trend was short lived), that I realized just how dead-on these lyrics are about life and love. One might say they are . . . profound. The song is a classic because everyone can identify with the problem. Here’s the point: this song describes, and human experience confirms, that humankind is in a prison—a perpetual and fruitless search for something or someone to make us feel loved, complete, and whole. Each one of us has an empty place in our hearts that aches to be filled.

You know the ache I’m talking about. You aren’t satisfied; you don’t feel complete; something is missing, and you keep hoping that the next relationship or the next job or even a new outfit will remedy the ache, but it doesn’t. Life can be going along great, and, yet, that empty gnawing is still there—the one that cries out, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for!” And as a result, we desperately search and we hunt for a love that will fill our emptiness and make us feel complete. And on and on and on we go.

This is my story. I went looking for love in all kinds of places, only to find myself more empty and confused as a result. From parties to people, from shopping to men, job promotions and even more parties . . . hoping something would bring me a sense of security or love. Happy hour eventually is over, the guy inevitably fails to be perfect, and food may fill a stomach but not a soul. My disillusionment eventually led to despair. Life seemed without hope and joy seemed elusive. I was captive to the emptiness.

I see this same desperation and disappointment in the lives of the women portrayed on the show Sex and the City. While on the surface everything appears glamorous and exciting, if you take a step back and evaluate their soul-searching questions, you see women who are hoping for someone to rescue them from the pain and emptiness they feel.

For example, let’s consider Charlotte. Like most of us girls, she hopes to find the love her heart longs for in a man. She is by far the most hopeful romantic of the crew. Over the six seasons of Sex and the City, we watched as she searched from man to man hoping to find “the one” who would complete her. Did she find him? Well, yes and no. She did get married (two times, in fact), but once she found a husband, did he fill her emptiness? No. The last season ended with Charlotte hoping the ache in her heart would be filled with a child. So, her search continues.

Can you relate? How often do you tell yourself the following?

• If I were married, then my life would be perfect.

• Or, If I had a better job, then I would be satisfied.

• Or, When I buy my own house, then I will be happy.

• Or what about this one? When I lose ten pounds, then I will feel OK.

We believe the solution to the restlessness we feel is remedied by finding something or someone to fill the emptiness in our hearts. But as we all know, those things may work for a season, but after a while that old familiar ache returns and we move on to the next thing or the next person, thinking that this time we will find what we are looking for.

This is why I call “looking for love in all the wrong places” a prison. For some of us it can be a life sentence. The pursuit to fill the void can be endless and full of disappointment. But that leads us to the most important question of all: what caused this emptiness in the first place?

The answer is found in the Bible. Yes, I said the Bible. (You know, the best-selling book of all time? Yes, that’s the one I’m talking about.) In Scripture we are told the story of God and how our problem of “looking for love” first began. The Bible tells us that humanity is created by God and for God. Translation: He is the Designer and Creator of Life, so in order to find out how things got all jacked up in our world, we must go back to the “Designer’s manual.”

Let’s play Fantasy Island for just a minute and imagine Dolce & Gabana designs a one-of-a-kind outfit just for you. It goes without saying that they would know best how this outfit is supposed to be worn (the perfect accessories, fit, shoes, etc.). Why? Because they are the designers. Hello? That’s the same with God. As our Creator, we need to look to Him and His Word (a.k.a. The Bible) to understand how life was meant to be lived. So for us to understand why we deal with insecurity, self-doubt, restlessness, and a perpetually empty soul, we must turn to the original design to see what God created us for and what went wrong.

The Beginning

In Genesis, the first book of the Bible, we find that after five quite productive days of speaking into existence solar systems and farm animals and the oceans and the assorted sea creatures that would fill them, God then turned His creative eye to bring into existence the crown jewel of His creation: humankind.

God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature.”

God formed Man out of dirt from the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life. The Man came alive—a living soul!

God looked over everything he had made;
it was so good, so very good!

Genesis 1:26; 2:7; 1:31 (MSG)

In the beginning, God placed the human race in a beautiful garden that He filled with everything they needed for a life of joy, peace, and purpose. Adam and Eve were provided for and given the responsibility to rule over and care for God’s creation. And right from the start, God declared our identity (the “who am I?” question) when He looked on the first man and woman and declared us to be “very good” (Gen. 1:31).

This is a powerful moment. When God speaks over Adam and Eve the word good, He establishes their identity. You know how when you fall in love, one of the best things about being with that special person is how they make you feel about yourself? Well, that is the situation we have here. Our God-given design is one that when we are in relationship with Him, we know who we are and we know we are loved. As the Designer, He alone has the authority to name and define—and His declaration of His design from the very beginning was “very good.”

Here’s the thing: originally humankind didn’t need to be rescued from “looking for love in all the wrong places.” Why not, you ask? Because all was right and good in our world—we didn’t struggle with the self-doubt, insecurity, restlessness, and emptiness that you and I experience today. You see, it was never God’s original design for people to suffer from the nagging inadequacies we feel.

The Bible describes God’s original design of man and woman in a physically descriptive way, which, in truth, speaks to their emotional, psychological, and spiritual condition as well. “The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame” (Gen. 2:25 MSG).

Perhaps you are imagining a hippie nudist colony in the middle of a tree orchard. Maybe this is not your ideal living situation, and I can totally understand your hesitation. The point of the Scripture is not to endorse a clothing-optional lifestyle; the purpose of this text is to explain the pure freedom and confidence that Adam and Eve knew in God’s original design.

The Design

Uncovered. Naked and not ashamed! This is the condition of man and woman while living in the midst of the unconditional love of God. Adam and Eve didn’t know the meaning of insecurity. They didn’t ask questions such as, “Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Will I be accepted? Am I lovable?” Eve never asked, “Does this fig leaf make me look fat?”

Identity is something that is bestowed. We cannot define ourselves. Today, we are always looking outside of ourselves for someone to tell us who we are, but for Adam and Eve, the question of their identity wasn’t up for debate. First of all, when God created them, He essentially said, “You are good and you don’t need to do anything to prove yourself or seek anyone else to tell you that you are worthy of love.” So, for Adam and Eve, the self-worth question was solved. If the God of the universe, who spoke the world into existence, said they were good—then that settled it.

Girlfriends, can you fathom walking into a room and never thinking, Do I look OK? Just imagine being fully known, explicitly seen, and fully loved—never fearing rejection, never meeting a new group of people and feeling like you don’t belong. Try to imagine having a confidence that isn’t based on fickle things such as money, a new pair of shoes, or attracting male attention. Or better yet, what if Carrie didn’t need fashion, Samantha sex, Charlotte a husband, or Miranda her career?

The other reason Adam and Eve were so secure is that they lived in the presence of the One who is love. God “is love” we are told in the Bible; love, defined as seeking the best for others. Because God is the Author of Life and the Giver of all things, He alone is the ultimate expression of love. Love is life giving, and that is exactly who God is.

Adam and Eve lived in the presence of His perfect love, so they had no reason to go searching for anything—because they didn’t know what it was to feel empty. The state of being “naked and not ashamed” implies that they were free to be themselves—without props, without additives, without labels, without pretense. Because they lived in the unconditional love of God, they were secure and they knew they were accepted simply for who they were.

So, for the million-dollar question: what went wrong?

The Scam

The pure freedom and unshakable confidence Adam and Eve experienced were wonderful while they lasted, but the harmony and beauty of Eden were shattered when Satan entered the scene. Previously, God told Adam and Eve that everything in the garden was theirs for enjoyment. Unparalleled beauty. Ultimate bliss. Everything in the Garden of Eden was good for Adam and Eve, except for one thing: “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” This particular tree was off limits. God told them not to eat of it, for if they did, they would die (Gen. 2:16–17).

Is God a divine fun thwarter, or was there a reason they couldn’t eat of this tree? Here’s the problem: the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil” represented independence from God. The tree itself was fine, but taking the forbidden fruit placed man in a role he was never designed to play—that is, the role of determining for himself what is good and what is evil. God
is the all-creating, all-sustaining, all-defining, all-powerful One. He has the authority to define reality, for He alone is God.

But as we see in the following passage, Satan (starring as the Serpent) scammed Eve into disobeying God. This deception is the root cause of our perpetual search for love and completion today—the real reason we are looking for love in all the wrong places and we all long to be rescued.

The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal God had made. He spoke to the Woman: “Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?”

The Woman said to the serpent, “Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It’s only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, ‘Don’t eat from it; don’t even touch it or you’ll die.’”

The serpent told the Woman, “You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.”

When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she’d know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.      Genesis 3:1–6 (MSG)

I’ll give it to Satan; he’s a good salesman. He offered Eve something pretty enticing when he told her, “You will be just like God.” Wow—what an incredible offer! But like my mom always said, “If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” And in this case, the old saying is right.

Satan tricked Eve. But it is important to note just exactly how this ruse went down. First, he caused her to doubt God by asking, “Did God really say?” Then he outright called God a liar when he suggested, “Surely, you won’t die.” By leading Eve to doubt the truthfulness of God’s word, Satan undermined her trust in God.

The serpent called God a liar, and Eve now faced a choice: believe God or believe Satan. So, the great deceiver appealed to her physical senses and gave her ample reasons to buy his con: the forbidden fruit was good for food, able to make one wise, and the ultimate temptation—to be one’s own god. Satan’s lure implied freedom, power, control . . . but in reality, the opposite occurred. (Personally, I’d love it if we could TIVO history. I’d hit rewind. Go back to the beginning, and have a little heart-to-heart with my sister Eve.)
I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, the scam.

Satan’s scam was basically an attack on the goodness of God. His theory went something like this: if God is good, then He would allow you to eat of any tree. God must be bad because He said you can’t eat of this certain tree.

Think back for a minute to your high school days. Remember when your parents said you couldn’t date that certain guy? Remember how you thought they were flat-out evil incarnate and surely they were plotting to ruin your life? But now, you look back and realize your parents were right—that guy wasn’t the best for you. In this scenario protection = love.

The same is true of our relationship with God. Here’s the thing: God knows what is best for us. But as we see, Satan distorts God’s protective provision to be a bad thing, and Eve bought into the lie. She rebelled against her God—her source of life, security, and love.

Perhaps you’ve been in a similar situation. You hear a great marketing pitch about a new cosmetic product that promises to eliminate wrinkles, cellulite, bad breath, and make you taller all at the same time. Sold, you charge the wonder pill to your credit card (at only $49.99 a month for the rest of your life) only later to discover . . . you’ve been scammed! The whole thing is a lie. The wonder pill isn’t so wonderful. It doesn’t deliver on its promises, and with it comes a whole new world of side effects. This is exactly like Satan’s promise to Eve, except the side effects of his scam were far more devastating—they were life altering.

Today, many women, like Eve, are deceived—
believing the lie that the love we hunger for is found in the alluring lifestyle portrayed on Sex and the City. Masked behind couture fashion, clever writing, and beautiful people is a life of searching and desperation. I know because I’ve been there myself. The lure is clever, but the promises don’t deliver. Here’s the big problem with deception: you don’t know it’s a lie until you face the consequences.

The Loss

The sad fact is that Adam and Eve were deceived, but the even sadder reality is that they lost the very thing that made them feel whole, complete, and secure: their relationship with God, their Creator. Separated from their source of confidence and estranged from the Giver of Life, they covered themselves with leaves and tried to hide from God.

Now, “naked” doesn’t imply freedom; it exposes. Vulnerable, ashamed, and confused, they realized something big was missing, and that something was God. In choosing to be their own God, Adam and Eve fell into shame. Their inadequacy to fill God’s shoes was clear, and the shame enveloped them like a fog. So they hid.

We were not created for life separated from God. When Adam and Eve chose to dethrone God and cut the cord of dependence—by deciding for themselves what is good and evil—humankind indeed got independence from God. And this independence is the source of every heartache, disappointment, and the emptiness we experience in the world today.

Recently, as I flipped through TV channels, I came across a documentary about a baby inside a mother’s womb. (Note to self—epidural!) Riveting television. The miracle of life is breathtaking. I sat for hours as the commentator explained the stages of growth and development preceding birth. The most interesting thing I learned about in the wee hours of the
morning was the perfect environment that the child inhabits—the mother’s womb. In the womb a baby is nourished, sheltered, protected, and literally attached to his source of life.

This got me to thinking. That’s a lot like the state of humankind in the garden with God before evil entered the world. Everything we needed was supplied. And there we, too, were connected to our true source of life. So, for us to fully comprehend what we’ve lost, imagine a child taken from the womb, separated from his mother, and left without anyone to feed, protect, or care for him. You might think I’m being a bit dramatic, but this comes as close to illustrating the weight of our loss as anything I know. Simply, we weren’t designed for life apart from God.

Today, we all experience the loss and separation that resulted from Adam and Eve’s fatal decision. Instead of knowing peace and security, we feel angst and incompleteness. Instead of knowing who we are and if we are loved, we are constantly searching and striving for someone to tell us who we are. Our desire to be rescued, therefore, finds its origin in the human need to be reconnected with our Creator—to be back in the place of security and rest that comes from being in His presence—simply, the place we were created to inhabit.

Charlotte is right. Women really do want to be rescued!

The Rest of the Story

I’m just a girl who believed the lie that the deep longings of my soul could be fulfilled in the lifestyle portrayed on Sex and the City. Rescued from the emptiness, I’m here to tell other women the rest of the story. God doesn’t abandon us. He knows our design. He knows apart from Him we are searching, restless, and incomplete. And because He loves us with this incomprehensible love, He comes to rescue us and set us free from our prison of “looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Hang tight; we will discover the rest of that story later.

Before we uncover God’s amazing solution, we need to take a closer look at our problem. In the following chapters we will examine the various ways we, and the women of Sex and the City, attempt to fill this God-shaped hole in our souls. We will discover how these methods are not only inadequate but most of the time destructive. Disconnected from our true Source of love, life, and identity, we turn to these substitutes, hoping they will fill the void. Hear me out; some of these can be good things (relationships, food, sex, careers, success, friendships), but whenever we try to put anything in the place that is intended for God alone, the inadequacy of the substitute becomes painfully obvious. Frustrated and yet still empty, we turn to the next trinket, the next person, or the next pleasure . . . and all along our journey, that small voice inside each of us whispers, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”

Faith and Inheritance from Breakaway Ministries on Vimeo.

I think most of us get this on a physical level. We have our mother’s nose or our father’s eyes, and we are recognized as being related to them because of these physical characteristics. Yet what about our spiritual lives? Do people see us and recognize that we belong to the family of God?  Are we accused of being a Christian because our lives bear the evidence of Christ? If not, they should! Oswald Chambers said it best, “The resounding evidence of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life is the unmistakable family likeness to Jesus.”

Here’s the truth: when you and I place faith in Jesus Christ for salvation, we become children of God.  (John 1:12) At that point, we know God as our Heavenly Father and His Spirit indwells us and fills us with His life, enabling us to live a life that brings Him honor and glory.  (Romans 8:14-16)

And what is the chief characteristic that the world should see in us that gives evidence that God is our Father? “Oh! I got it! We wear a cross necklace?” Nope. “What about putting one of those Jesus fishie thingies on our car?” Wrong again. “I’ve got it….a Christian is someone who avoids certain people or places.” Three strikes.

The Bible spells out the answer in a simple four-letter word, L.O.V.E.  Love is the mark, the chief characteristic, and the defining family trait in the life of a follower of Jesus. As the old saying goes, “they will know we are Christians by our love.”
Just as when someone looks at my blue eyes and sees my dad’s, so too should someone look at our actions and see our Father in Heaven. After all, as 1John 4:7-8 states, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

God is love.

What is love? Thankfully, the Bible spells that out for us too. One of the most famous verses in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13. I can smell roses and hear a wedding anthem playing as I type these words. After all, this scripture is read at EVERY wedding ceremony. I digress. Let me put away the bouquet and get back to my point… this passage defines for us what love truly is:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I don’t know about you, but when I read that list I want to throw in the towel. Who is able to produce this kind of love, 100% of the time? Not me! Here’s the truth, we can’t manufacture this love on our own. No one can, except Jesus. God produces it in us by His Spirit. That’s why when Paul describes the “fruit” (produce, get it?) of the Spirit in Galatians; the first characteristic mentioned is love.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” (Galatians 5:23-24)

So…how is love produced in us?

First, we remain connected to Jesus. John 15:1-5 is a great teaching on this subject. In this passage, Jesus reminds us that He is the vine and we are the branches, apart from Him we can do nothing. Translation? We can’t bear fruit apart from Christ.  Just as a grape branch produces grapes when connected to the vine, so too will we produce love when we are connected to Christ. We stay connected to Christ through worship, daily reading His Word and prayer.

Second, we confess any areas that don’t align with God’s love. By examining our hearts, motives, words and deeds we will quickly discover attitudes and actions that aren’t motivated by love.  Such as: greed, jealousy, bigotry, lying, gossip… When we see this kind of fruit, we must quickly confess it as sin and ask God to replace it with His love.

Third, Pray! I’ve learned over and over again that prayer is the key to the victorious Christian life. When we ask Him, God fills us with His spirit and gives us the ability to love when we would otherwise react in our old sinful nature.  Test this one out! The next time you are faced with a situation that tempts you to react in anger or jealousy, ask God to fill you with His response instead. I promise you will be amazed at the great harvest of fruit!  Let’s practice this together:

Dear Heavenly Father,
I desire to live a life that brings you glory. I confess that apart from Your Holy Spirit, I am selfish and I don’t love as I should. Help! Please show me any areas that I am not acting in love. (Confess anything that comes to mind.)  I pray that I would decrease and Christ Jesus would increase.  Please fill me with your Spirit and give me your love. I pray specifically that You would enable me to love _____________________as You love her/him/them. Apart from You, I can do nothing!
I ask this in Jesus Name

Redeemed Girls, it is my prayer that each of us walks in a manner worthy of Christ in 2010. I pray that we reflect to the world His beauty and His glory as His love is manifested in and through us.  I hope you will point others to your Heavenly Father as His love is evidenced in you.

After much deliberation, I decided my living room’s theme would be “Texas Chic.” Or at least, that’s how I described the look I was going for to my friend who volunteered to decorate. I suppose I should mention that I bought my first house this year.  Yep, It’s official…I’m a big girl now.  

Girlfriends, let me just say for the record that I had no idea the amount of time, money, and effort it was going to take to get settled into my new place. Weeks after I moved, I was still living out of boxes, and the only furniture that I owned was my bedroom furniture from college. No one warned me about the nesting gene that women have. I was completely unprepared for the phenomenon that would overcome me once I had my own house. All of a sudden, I needed, desperately needed to watch the sundry of home improvement and the decorating programs on television. Seriously, I was obsessed. Obsessed, broke, and did I mention living out of boxes?

If I’m honest, the television shows did more harm than good. They left me too overwhelmed with options to make a decision. Should each “space” be modern, classic, traditional, or contemporary? So many choices!!! The whole process of choosing paint colors, picking furniture, and deciding on one decorating style was more than I could handle. I found it strange that I had no problem committing to a 30-year mortgage, but for the life of me, I couldn’t commit to a sofa. I know. It’s crazy. 

 I forgot to mention that I moved during one of my busiest ministry seasons. So even though I longed for my home to feel settled, I was at my wits end as to how I could get it all done in the midst of traveling, speaking, and writing. Then God sent me a decorating “Angel.” My precious friend (whose name happens to be Angel), sensing the dilemma that I was in, stepped in and said, “Just let me handle it. I’ll get everything arranged and decorated for you.” 

Halleluiah!

The girl’s got skills. She is super creative and knows my personality so well. All she needed from me was a decorating theme. That’s where the idea of “Texas Chic” was born.  I saw this photo of wild horses running and fell in love with the passion captured by the photographer, so I asked Angel to decorate my living room around that print. 

So one day while I was away on a speaking engagement, my friend created her own version of the show, “While You Were Out.” While I was out, she and a few other friends performed the most amazing decorating transformation you can imagine. My living room went from feeling like a bland and boring asylum to fabulous Texas chic in a day. 

Like I said, the girl’s got skills. Everything is so “me” without “me” having to do the work. When I walked in for the “big reveal,” I was truly blown away by all the hard work and little touches she accomplished on such a small budget. She completely captured the theme without it feeling obnoxious or over the top. My favorite detail is a Texas star that she positioned atop my armoire.  Decorators say that lighting is the key and I agree. The room looks it’s best when the lights are dim and only the star is shining bright. 

A few days after the makeover, I realized another benefit to the star—it served as a fabulous nightlight. Since I must walk through the living room to get to the kitchen at night, the star shines in the darkness so I can easily navigate around furniture. 

However, one night I woke up and needed something to drink. I stumbled down the hall towards the kitchen, entering the living room, I discovered it pitch black. The star wasn’t shining. I couldn’t see anything. Panic ensued. No, not because I’m afraid of the dark, but because I feared the star’s light had permanently gone out. You see, Angel found the star in a clearance bin at Pottery Barn, so I knew I couldn’t get another one and was anxious that my favorite decorating detail was broken.

Then it dawned on me…check the plug! 

Yay! Decorating catastrophe averted. The star was simply unplugged from it’s power source.  As I was plugging the cord into the electric outlet, I thought, “this is why so many Christians struggle to live as the light of Christ in the world—we aren’t plugged into our power source. Although God called us to be lights in the darkness, we fail so often because we are unplugged and trying to shine in our own power.”

A Christian’s power source is the Holy Spirit of God. God didn’t just save us from our sin and give us eternal life; He also gave us the power to glorify Him. In order to understand how to stay plugged in, I will explain who the Holy Spirit is, how He empowers us to live the Christian life, and what two potential barriers that often limit the Spirit’s power. 

The Power Source

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, Oh God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” Psalm 42:1-2

To best understand the Holy Spirit’s role as our power source, we must return briefly to the heart of our faith: our desperate need for God.  Psalm 42 clearly articulates the human condition. We thirst for God. Thirst is defined as: painfully feeling the want of something, or to eagerly long for something. Just as God created within each of us a thirst mechanism for water and a hunger mechanism for food, so He also placed with our souls a thirst for Him. We are created by Him and for Him. 

Born into sin, we are separated from God and continually feel the want until this relationship is restored. Blaise Pascal famously said, “Man was created with a God-shaped hole in his soul that can only be filled by God Himself.” To remedy this problem, Jesus, God Himself, stepped into creation, took on human flesh and brought about the reconciliation of God and man through His sacrificial death. 

During Jesus’ earthly ministry, He addressed our fundamental problem and invited all thirsty souls to come to Him to find true life. He said, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, “out of his heart shall flow rivers of living water.” (John 7:37-38) 

The context of this statement is the annual Jewish Feast of Tabernacles. Each year, the Jewish people would celebrate how the Lord provided for their every need during their forty-year wilderness journey.  As you can imagine, God providing water in a barren dessert for millions of people was a pretty big deal. This was a joyful feast, rich with symbolism. 

On the last and “greatest day of the feast,” the High Priest would lead the people in a procession from the Temple through Jerusalem to the Pool of Siloam. Here, he would fill a pitcher with water, and the procession would continue back to the Temple—every step of the journey in complete silence.  Then, amidst thousands of worshipers, the High Priest would pour the water out onto the altar—an act of worship that acknowledged God alone as the source of life.

At that precise moment, Jesus stood, and said in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink”  (You just gotta’ love Jesus, He’s not subtle.) There, in the midst of the pomp and pageantry of religion, He revealed that He was the fulfillment of the symbol. He alone is the Living Water that quenches the thirst of man. 

In case you think the procession just carried on its merry way, think again. The entire city was silent when the Son of God shouted his message.  His hearers did not miss Jesus’ meaning. He had the audacity to claim equality with God and set himself forth as the solution to humanities greatest need. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that Jesus never claimed to be God. He knew exactly who He was and why He was sent.

Jesus’ invites thirsty souls to “come and drink.” To drink means to believe. Friends, this invitation is more than mere “head knowledge.” To drink implies to experience, to trust and to depend upon Him. When we come to Jesus and drink of the Living Water, we forsake other fountains, admitting that they will never truly satisfy.  Trusting in Jesus for life is what it means to be a Christian. 

Notice what Jesus said next…

“Jesus said, ‘Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow within him.’ By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive.” John 7:38-39

God recognizes that forgiveness of sin is not enough to cure the human condition; we need a new nature, with new desires and new ability if we are to glorify Him. This new nature is the Holy Spirit of God living within us. Just as Jesus promised, whoever believes in Him receive His Spirit. 

God knows that we can’t live radiant lives without His power. As I tell women all the time, if we could glorify God on our own, then the cross wouldn’t have been necessary and Jesus wouldn’t have bothered to send us His Spirit. That’s why the Apostle Paul said in Colossians 1:27, “it is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Our only hope to live glorious lives comes through the power of God living in us.

“When Jesus said, ‘You are the light,’ we hear, “you are the light,” and we think the light has to come from us. So we try to generate the light ourselves. After a few attempts, it should become obvious that we just don’t have the power. But we keep trying anyway. The Scripture says, ‘In Him was life, and that life was the light of men.’ This is a massive principle to remember: The light comes only from the life—the life of Christ in us.”—Shine: Make Them Wonder What You’ve Got by The Newsboys

Christianity is not a self-improvement religion in which one tries really hard to do better, to work harder, or to be good. A genuine follower of Jesus says, "I can't do it.”  I need Jesus and His Spirit working in me if I’m going to glorify God.”  Girls, we must come to the end of ourselves and recognize that we don't have the power to glorify God on our own.  By faith, we believe in Jesus and He puts His Spirit within us, enabling us to shine brightly as lights in the darkness. 

©MarianJordan2010

It is tragic if you have not seen this movie. Because we are friends, I will ignore this lapse in judgment, but you must promise me that you will not let this next Christmas season go by without watching it. Trust me, it is worth it. So for those of you who haven’t seen the movie, let me give you a quick trailer.

The film takes place in the fictional town of Bedford Falls shortly after World War II and stars Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey, a man whose attempted suicide on Christmas Eve gains the attention of a guardian angel, Clarence, who is sent to help him in his hour of need. Most of the film is told through flashbacks spanning George's entire life and narrated by unseen angels who are preparing Clarence for his mission to save George. Through these flashbacks we see all the people whose lives have been touched by George and the difference he has made to the community in which he lives.

Ironically, George Bailey is a man who walked through the wilderness of unmet desire. He longed for a life of adventure, he desired to travel and see the world. Yet George’s life was confined to Bedford Falls, and he never did stretch his wings and fly away. I love the last scene of this movie. In it he discovers his life is not one of disappointment but rather divine appointment. Surrounded by his family and friends, George Bailey realizes it is a really good thing that life didn’t go according to his plan.  For there was a better plan for George Bailey, and it took an angel in need of wings to reveal this truth to him.

A few years ago during my Christmas tradition I drifted off to sleep somewhere after George Bailey crashed his car. But I wasn’t asleep long before I was awakened by a noise. Once awake I realized it was the sound of burglars breaking into our house!  No, I wasn’t dreaming about the Grinch, these were real-life present stealers sneaking in to steal Christmas. Wide-eyed and frightened, I jump off the couch and did the only thing this Texas girl knew to do in a situation like this, I yelled, “Daddy, get the gun!”

Those four words sent those two would-be present bandits running for the county line. It seems my dad’s gun collection is infamous to more than just my ex-boyfriends. So when I yelled for armed backup, the robbers bolted out the door.

Over an hour later, after the police came and went, and the tree was double checked for missing trinkets, I found myself back on the couch where the whole ordeal began. Wrapped in a blanket and watching George Bailey discover…it is a wonderful life.

There was absolutely no way I was going to fall asleep after that ordeal.  My heart was pounding so loudly I could hear the thud. And then my imagination began to take over, and I played through my mind all of the “what ifs” of the evening. I needed to rest but I was too wound-up and freaked-out to get any shut eye.

I stared at the TV for another ten minutes before I heard the sound of dad walking through the house. His walk is unmistakable. A small man he is not, so when he is coming—you know it. Dad came in the family room where I was watching TV and took a seat in his chair.

There is something about dad’s presence. Almost instantly, I lowered my head onto the sofa cushion and watched as Bedford Falls celebrated George’s return home and the saving of the old Building and Loan. It is one of my favorite moments in movie history. I especially enjoyed the sweetness of it this night. For that scene says, “Everything is going to be OK.”

And something in my heart felt that was the case. For when my dad entered the room and sat in his chair, my worried heart ceased fretting and my breathing returned to the slow deep breaths of the weary. Within minutes I was fast asleep.

Reflecting on that night I know there was a deep connection between my ability to rest and my belief. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that with my father in the room I was completely safe. Nothing and no one would harm me. My confidence in that truth told my worried heart to “fret not” and my anxious mind to fear not—all would be just fine. And this girl went fast to sleep. 

Living with unmet desires is much the same. It’s so easy to get wound up with the “what ifs” of the future. When we let ourselves go there and dwell in worry, life becomes miserable. I truly believe the lesson of Psalm 37 is this…chill out. When we start believing that God does care about our hearts and he still knows how to run the Universe, then we can stop our fretting and rest.  I know I too will have a “wonderful life” because my Heavenly Father sits on “his chair”…which just happens to be his throne in heaven.

Looking back over the wilderness season, I can honestly say the area I’ve changed the most is this: I am a woman at rest. God has so proven his faithfulness that I am far less likely to worry and fret about my unmet desires or the unknown future. What’s changed? I know God’s “no” in my past was the best thing that ever happened to me. As a result, I trust him even more with my future. I rest believing God’s plan is far better than my plan.  While his way may not align with my way or come to pass on my timetable, I can cease fretting because I know God is good. I know he is in control. And most importantly, I know I can trust him.

excerpt from Wilderness Skills for Women by Marian Jordan

This month our transformation blog will focus on the Incarnation. That's a big theological term meaning "God in the Flesh"....or rather, the Incarnation is what Christmas is all about. One of my favorite songs of Christmas is "Mary Did You Know." It is both haunting and beautiful. As I was researching for a talk that I'm giving tomorrow night on Mary, I ran across this video. Absolutely Captivating! Of course i had to share. I pray as you watch it you worship the One, King Jesus, who is both Prince of Peace and Mighty God! Never forget the reason for the season.

Mary did you know from John van Leeuwen on Vimeo.

Yet, as I ponder these blessings, the one thing my heart is most grateful for is the comfort I have in knowing God is Sovereign. I realize this sounds rather theological and a little bit philosophical at a time of year that typically focuses on football rivalries and the oh-so-great stuffing vs. dressing debate.   But, I’ll be honest...no truth gives my soul more rest or my mind more peace than remembering that the God I know and love is firmly established on His throne—ruling and reigning.  For this truth I am ever thankful.

Why, you ask?

I suppose I’ve walked through enough of life’s setbacks and storms to realize how thankful I am that God is God…and I am not. I am thankful for the old cliché of “unanswered prayers,” and I’m forever grateful that I can reflect back on my life and see how “God has worked all things for good.”  God’s sovereignty means He is in control…even when life seems out of control.

Just recently, I sat with a friend overlooking another beautiful landscape in a far different land—India. As we sat crossed legged on a porch swing overlooking miles of golden wheat fields, soaking in the beauty of our experiences there, I turned to my friend and said, “and just think…I would have missed this.” 

What I meant of course is that I would have missed out on that incredible blessing if life had turned out according to “plan Marian.” I would have missed it…the amazing, unexpected, unplanned life that God sovereignly chose for me. 

That moment of gratitude for God’s sovereignty was a culmination of many other moments in the past few years, all of which resulted from seeing the beauty of His plan unfold. You see, in so many marvelous ways my life did not turn out according to “my plan.” Nothing in my life has turned out as predicted, but the outcome has been so much more glorious. As a result of this unexpected life that I live, I have a deep abiding love and gratitude for the sovereignty of God. The aspect of His character that reminds me that He has a plan and He is at work even when I don’t quite understand.

I’ll be honest.  Long before I became thankful for the Lord’s sovereignty, I learned to trust in His goodness and His love. None of God’s attributes can be separated from one another. In order for His plan and direction to be the desire of my soul, I first had to come to a deep and abiding belief that “He is good and His love endures forever.”  My journey with Jesus over the past few years has been one of learning over and over again these truths.  To believe in every situation and every turn in the road that I can trust the One who leads me is the secret to believing that His path is far more glorious than any trail I could blaze for myself.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I’ve never felt more ancient. There I sat with my girlfriends, our shared bag of M&Ms, and a huge bag of popcorn for what women around the world have awaited now for months: the premier of New Moon, the second installation in the Twilight Saga.

When I say I felt ancient, I mean really, really, really old. Besides my girl friends, I was the only person over the age of 15 in our theatre, which was packed to overflowing.  It was like a middle school field trip and I must confess, I loved every minute of it!

While watching New Moon I found myself as much entertained by the audience as the movie. The moment Edward Cullen appeared on screen, walking with his hypnotic stare towards Bella (in slow motion I might add), the screams in the theatre would rival any National Championship sporting event. There is a reason girls are cheerleaders—it was rocking in that place. I kept waiting for someone to do a round-off-flip-flop, but alas I had to settle for jumping and squealing.

Let me just say from the start. I get it if parents and pastors alike have issue with a story that focuses on vampires. So before you post comments on this blog, I want to set that debate aside for just a sec and look at what this character, Edward Cullen reveals to us about young women.  In case you’ve missed the big news flash, he’s quite a hit with the ladies. Take Elvis, the Beatles, New Kids, and Brad Pitt….roll them into one, and you still don’t have the draw, the magnetism, or the sheer adulation that girls have for…wait for it…Edward.

So…what’s the big deal about Edward…besides the obvious fact that he’s gorgeous? I believe the Twilight sensation is far more than a zillion teenage crushes on one good looking guy, oh-no, this phenomenon reveals something far greater at work.

The Twilight Saga has awakened in young women something that has been sleeping for a few generations. Girls are realizing, maybe for the first time, what it means to be feminine.  To be a woman who wants to be rescued, loved, and protected…and that these feelings are okay.  Just think! The generation of girls that has only known courtship in which they pursue, they text, and they flat-out take the lead are now being schooled on what romance was meant to be…and they LOVE IT!

As a girl who grew up in the wake of the feminist movement, in which we were taught that a woman was supposed to have the same desires, same abilities, and the same drives as a man…well, that brainwashing led an entire generation to disdain her feminine nature that longed to be treated as a girl. You know, the part of her that wanted the strong, capable, fearless, leader to sweep in and defend and provide.

In God’s design there are different roles for men and women.  Sadly, most young women have been led to believe that her God-given design is wrong and that she needs to be or must be other than how she was created.  God didn’t create a woman to be a man and he certainly didn’t create a man to be a woman.

I, for one, am thrilled that young women have a picture once again of a man. A MAN who will sacrifice his desires, restrain his passions, protect and defend. We’ve been fed a diet of weak and emasculated men for so long that we’ve forgotten what a real man looks like.  Just thinking about the TV and movie characters that shaped my teenage years brings to mind images of passive, weak-willed and selfish men. (Take Ross and Chandler from Friends for example.) These guys lacked conviction, gumption and any real sense of leadership.  And people scratch their heads and wonder why girls are going gaga over Edward…is this really such a mystery?

I highly recommend to any girl (or guy for that matter) interested in this subject to read Elisabeth Elliot’s book, Passion and Purity. In it she confronts the blatant disregard in our culture for our divine design as men and women and how this indifference sabotages the relationships we all truly desire.

http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Purity-Learning-Christs-Control/dp/0800758188

Well, capital “H” HIM…Jesus. It may sound cheesy or even churchy, but this is my favorite way of explaining the radical transformation that occurred in my life nearly a decade ago.  To say I wasn’t expecting this turn of events is an understatement. Sure, I’d grown up going to church, but mostly because my parents made me. Girls, let me just say I didn’t know Jesus from Jose Cuervo. Actually, I knew Mr. Cuervo pretty well back then.  I was what you would call a wild child—in every sense of the word. If there was a rule, I’d break it. If there was a way to get in trouble, I’d find it. If there was a booze with a guy’s name (Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, Jim Beam) I’d introduce myself, and if there was a blue or frozen drink…well let’s just say I had a lot of blue tongues and head freezes back then!

All that changed, however, the day I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.

Before my transformation, I was the girl looking for love in bars, boardrooms, and bedrooms.  And then…wham! Love found me. THE LOVE that I’d been desperately searching for “in all the wrong places” found me.  Before, I was grasping at anything and everything that I thought would make me feel whole, complete, or valued, but the problem was nothing would ever fill the gaping hole inside of me that was crying out for God.

You could say I was a mess. Combine the consequences of my sin and the brokenness of my childhood, and you had one empty, bruised and battered young woman. But you’d never know it by looking at me. From the outside, I looked like your typical young, single girl trying to find her next “fix”—a new guy, a new outfit, or just a new happening party scene.

Then I met Jesus.

I was absolutely blown away by the love and grace of God offered to me in Jesus Christ. Girls, I didn’t find religion. No! Far from it. I met a Person. And He loved me. No, really, He L-O-V-E-D me. Mess and all. The irresponsible, absent-minded, can’t find her keys, procrastinating, lying, insecure, drunk and promiscuous, messed up childhood, party girl…me…He loved me.

But there was a huge problem in our relationship…I didn’t love him.

Events from childhood and my own sin left me with a deep distrust of God. How could a “good” God have allowed the painful events of my past to occur? And because of my own rebellion and sin, my view of God was distorted.  Here’s the thing, sin darkens our understanding of who God really is; therefore, our image of God is marred, and as a result, we don’t trust him. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was carrying a heap of shame, and I didn’t believe God could forgive a girl like me.

I was in the midst of a major worldview shift. Part of me distrusted God, but the other part of me was beginning to see God in a new light. I had heard of his grace and forgiveness. Now I was beginning to see him as loving and kind, instead of mean and punishing. Jesus was wooing my heart to himself. I was a girl in conflict.

Could I trust this Jesus?

Should I surrender my life to him?

Would my life really be rewarding if I followed him?

I felt torn. My old life was broken, yet familiar. Following Jesus was an unknown—a step of faith into a mysterious world of surrender and obedience. I wanted to take the step…really I did, but there was something holding me back.

During this time I met this girl. She was beautiful, hip, and fun—not at all what I expected from a “church girl.” We met at the church I was attending. Amy is her name and the way she lived her life rocked my world. Amy invited me to join a Bible study group that met in her apartment. I went for a few weeks, and each night I left feeling miserable. Amy had something I did not have…she had a passionate love for Jesus Christ. Let me repeat myself. She was crazy in love with Jesus. So much so that she did silly things, like, I don’t know, obey him. Amy based her lifestyle choices on her love for the Lord. Obeying God was simple because she loved him. Trust me when I tell you that this line of reasoning was a totally foreign concept to me.

You see girls, at that point I believed obedience was something I had to do. I didn’t realize that obedience was motivated 100% by love. If you love God then you obey him. So, there I was a complete moral mess with no clue of what a relationship with God really meant, and yet still being pursued by Jesus. And sitting before me each week was this total Jesus freak.

But, Amy wasn’t weird; she was normal, which really jacked with my head all the more. That Bible study sincerely messed me up. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something major was missing in my life. I wanted what Amy had.

She was passionate for Jesus.

She was filled with joy.

She wasn’t empty.

She didn’t live in the emptiness of hookups and hangovers.

She truly desired to live a life that brought God glory.

One night I left her apartment after Bible study and sat in my car crying (imagine the really ugly face.) I knew I couldn’t go on the way I was living. The call of Jesus was so strong, yet the lure of the old and familiar was just as powerful. Even though I recognized my old life was empty, I still didn’t trust that life with Jesus could actually be fulfilling.

Sitting in my car I started talking to God. Not knowing how prayers were “supposed to sound,” I just said to God whatever I felt. Here is the conversation we (God and I) had that night. The night my whole life changed.

Jesus…. (Heaving sobs)

I don’t know much, but I do know that you are real.

I can’t explain all of this stuff that is happening to me, but I’m beginning to figure out that I can’t get away from you.

I know you died for me, and I know you love me.  But, I also know this: I don’t love you the way Amy loves you.

Frankly, I’m not sure I even like you all that much.

But, I know myself. I am a complete failure at being “good.”  I know you are the only option for me. It’s you or nothing else. I’m not going to find whatever it is I’m looking for anywhere but in you.

But, here’s the deal.  If I am going to live my life for you, then you need to do one thing for me: GIVE ME A HEART TO LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD! Trust me, this is the only way this relationship will work.

I know me. I’ll go back to my old ways tomorrow.

There is no way I can live this life for you if I don’t love you. Jesus, change me.

 DO WHATEVER IT TAKES…but GIVE ME A HEART THAT LOVES YOU.”

I had no idea the power of that prayer. My world turned upside down. Something supernatural occurred inside me that night. Today, after years of Bible study, I know I experienced what God spoke of in the Old Testament when he said:

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.  
Ezekiel 36:26-27(NIV)

And also in the New Testament when he said,

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17(NIV)

Later, when I stumbled across these verses in the Bible I thought, “THIS HAPPENED TO ME! I am a completely new person.” Today, I realize I wasn’t a phenomenon. God is the New Creation Business. His specialty is taking girls like me and making us new—women with new hearts, new desires, and a new love—Jesus Christ.

I am a redeemed girl! God did give me the new heart and new desires, and I wanted with everything in me to live for him. Something happened in my heart that night—I fell CRAZY in love with Jesus. Girls, I’m talking about serious butterflies. I was now my worst nightmare, I was a total Jesus freak and I didn’t care.

Excerpt from "Wilderness Skills for Women: How to Survive Heartbreak and other Full-Blown Melt-Downs"

Girls, I adore Spring. 
Recently, I bought my first house and moved in the “dead of winter.” (Okay, so that’s kind of a drastic statement for someone who lives in Houston, Texas. But, it did dip down into the frigid forties this past January, which felt very tundra-like to this Texas girl.)
I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, Spring. 

So, when I moved in I noticed these dead twigs and sprigs in my yard. I supposed them to be unwanted weeds that I would eventually get around to removing. But then, something happened…Spring arrived. 
Ahhhh…glorious sunshine!
Low and behold, I now have a garden! Those lifeless twigs are in full-bloom. My yard is brimming with new life, and looks quite lovely I might add. 

With springtime comes another symbol of new life…Easter. All over the world this past weekend Christians celebrated the resurrection of our Christ. I like to sum up Easter in one word: transformation . Think about it…. Death becomes Life. The perfect symbol of our faith.

As Christians, we believe in a God who transforms us for His glory by giving us new life in Him. Jesus, our Redeemer, takes our brokenness and makes us whole. He gives sight to the blind, hope to the hopeless, and brings light to the darkness. Miraculously, sinners become saints. Like my garden, Jesus transforms us from spiritually dead to people that blossom with the fruit of His Spirit. (Ephesians 2: 1-2; Galatians 5:23-24)

Sadly, this is not the message we (the church) are sending the world. I’ve been reading a book called unChristian. The authors have this to say:

"Christians are supposed to represent Christ to the world. But according to the latest report card, something has gone terribly wrong. Using descriptions like “hypocritical” to describe the church…young Americans share an impression of Christians that’s nothing short of ….unChristian.”

This book elaborates on the problem by saying that the lifestyle of Christians is not different from those who don’t know Christ. Simply, we are not bearing fruit that represents Jesus to the world. Our lives don’t testify transformation.

But why?

I’ve been thinking about this problem quite a bit lately. If, the message of the gospel is the power of God’s grace to transform us, then why doesn’t the world see us as transformed people? I think the primary problem is an old one. We have substituted God’s transforming power for our own human effort. And, let’s face it; we simply aren’t very good at changing ourselves. 

Transformation happens in the human soul when we see our brokenness and turn to God in our weakness and surrender to God’s spirit for life. It is not about human effort, it is 100% about Christ-dependence. 

Thinking about my new garden, I’m struck by the fact that I’ve never once overheard my rose bushes whining and complaining about the difficulty of producing a rose. Nope, not once did I hear my peonies huffing and puffing in their effort to produce colorful blooms. The reason? They followed the simple God-given design for bearing fruit—they remain abiding to their vine.

I think the book unChristian raises an important point. For many, the Christian faith is about a one-time decision to pray a prayer or walk an aisle or check a box. This type of experience is only the first step. The Christian faith—the one that transforms—is the result of daily abiding in the object of our faith…Jesus Christ. 

The night before His crucifixion, Jesus explained the secret to fruitfulness to His disciples by saying: 

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:1-5 NIV)

The secret to seeing the life-transforming power of God in our lives is staying connected to the Life-Transformer, Jesus Christ. It is that simple. 
Our only hope for transformation is in Him. There is no method, no program, no plan, no iPhone app, prescription, or a handy-dandy quick fix that can transform us…just the glorious Son shining upon us, and His Spirit’s power flowing through us every single day. 

Friends, if we want our lives to testify of God's transforming power, we must ABIDE!

“A 2004 study of almost 2,000 teens found that those who watch TV with a lot of
sexual content are twice as likely to engage in intercourse as those who watch
less. ‘The impact of television viewing is so large that even a moderate shift
in the sexual content of adolescent TV watching could have a substantial effect
on their behavior.” --Generation Me , by Jean Twinge, Ph. D.

The issue facing these young girls is the daily, moment by moment, decision to believe God’s truth about whom they are, what they are worth, and how they should live. The world bombards them with the message that says: you are nothing more than a sexual object; you are only as valuable as how you look; and you are not loveable unless….

Thankfully, we can offer young woman The Truth to confront and expose the lies. The Truth is Jesus Christ and His Redeeming Grace. He alone sets the captive free from the lies of the world. He alone can tell these young girls that they are not objects to be used and discarded, but they are treasures worth dying for.

Enough is enough. Satan is a big-fat-liar!

“Jesus said, ‘the thief has come to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come
that you may have life and have it abundantly.’” John 10:10

The editor of Vogue has accused some of the world’s leading catwalk designers of pushing ever thinner models into fashion magazines despite widespread public concern over “size-zero” models and rising teenage anorexia.

Alexandra Shulman, one of the most important figures in the multi-billion-pound fashion industry, has taken on all the largest fashion houses in a strongly worded letter sent to scores of designers in Europe and America. In a letter not intended for publication but seen by The Times, Shulman accuses designers of making magazines hire models with “jutting bones and no breasts or hips” by supplying them with “minuscule” garments for their photoshoots. Vogue is now frequently “retouching” photographs to make models look larger, she said.

Her intervention was hailed last night as a turning point in the debate over model size that has raged after the deaths of three models from complications relating to malnutrition, and the decision of leading fashion shows to ban size-zero models.

Baroness Kingsmill, who headed the 2007 Model Health Inquiry on behalf of the British Fashion Council, said the stand taken by Shulman was “an encouraging sign” from one of the industry’s “leading lights.”

Beat, Britain’s leading eating disorder charity, says that 1.1 million people are affected by anorexia or bulimia.

Shulman claims that the clothes created by designers for catwalk shows and subsequently sent to magazines for use in their photoshoots have become “substantially smaller”.

The garments are typically sent to magazines six months before they appear in the shops and editors have no choice but to hire models that fit the clothes or fail to cover the latest collections from the leading designers.

“We have now reached the point where many of the sample sizes don’t comfortably fit even the established star models,” Shulman writes, in a letter sent to Karl Lagerfeld, John Galliano and fellow designers at Prada, Versace, Yves Saint Laurent, Balen- ciaga and other top fashion houses.The supermodel Erin O’Connor described the stand by the editor of Britain’s most prominent fashion magazine as “a huge breakthrough”.

“The fact that Alexandra Shulman with her enormous influence has opened this conversation means that it will have a huge impact,” she said. “It has . . . made it compulsorily relevant that we address this now.”